Heads or Tails

Chapter 17

After a short and sweet ceremony, the officiant introduces Jessica and Michael as Mr. & Mrs. Mercier. Everyone claps and cheers when they kiss. My heart swells when Michael leans over and whispers something in Jessica's ear. She laughs and glances up at him, eyes full of love. The cheers get louder when they raise their hands in the air, giving each otheranother kiss.Everyone begins to snap photos as they begin the procession down the aisle. This was when I had to link arms with Ben and walk down the aisle with him. A million thoughts run through my mind in a second. I can't bring myself to look at him. He's messed with my mind – my heart – my life. "You can't avoid me forever and expect me just to let you walk away," he whispers against my hair. "The hell I can't," I mumble through a forced grin. We finally made it to the end of the aisle, and I removed his arm from being twisted around my elbow. Then, I walked to Jessica to help lift her train and hold her bouquet while her hairstylist helped remove her veil for our photoshoot. Guests are ushered onto a patio with a makeshift bar and cocktails while Jose snaps his fingers to get the bridal party's attention. "Okay, everyone. Follow me. We only have two hours to get these photos taken."Once we make it down to the beach, Jose says goodbye, and the photographer and Victor take over. His hair is dark and curly, and he's wearing a floral-printed shirt. As he begins directing Jessica and Michael on a few shots with the ocean in the background, I can feel Benstill looming at my side. He tugs at the back of my dress. "What do you want?" I whisper-hiss, turning around to face him. "Will you quit avoiding me?" he asks, stepping closer. "We're not done –"I feel myself growing impossibly furious and take a step closer to him. "Don't you dare tell me what we are." I shake my head in disgust, turning away from him. "I wanted to tell you," he whispers against my hair."But you didn't."I catch Michelle glancing at us curiously from a few feet away, so to avoid suspicion, I turn to face Ben again. "So you meant what you said last night?" His stare grows increasingly frustrated. I am completely bewildered. Does he think I wasn't seriously upset about his lack of honesty? That I was somehow just a drunken mess and overreacted? "You thought I wasn't serious, that I'm the kind of girl who would put up with being someone's second choice, that I shouldn't demand honesty and respect from the person I'm sleeping with? After all these years, surely you know me better than anyone. I've only ever been honest with you."He winces. "Megan –"I cut him off. "No. Don't do this.""I know I've been in relationships that were strictly about sex, but what we were doing hadn't been just about sex for a while now..."Without hesitating, I say, "All the more reason you should have been honest with me from the start."The sound of Jessica calling my name and waving me over ends all conversation. I turn around to see everyone has already started to pose for pictures closer to the ocean. I move along the beach, feeling Ben following behind me. Two hours pass quickly. The photographer snaps so many photos. I don't think I've ever been photographed so much. The reception is stunning. It's been set up on a rooftop patio overlooking the ocean. Lights are strung from post to post, crisscrossing and shining down the seating area. Tropical pink flowers are the centerpiece of every table, surrounded by a trio of candles circling a vase. Jose shuffles the wedding party to the side to await a grand entrance. Guests settle into seats, and a four-stringed quartet is just wrapping up. Something warm presses up against me, and I see Ben and his mischievous grin inches from my face. "Can't you see how crazy I am about you?"My heart rate quickens as I tilt slightly to see the beautiful man standing before me. His eyes gaze into mine, his mouth perfectly parted slightly, watching me. The intimacy of his stare hits me with a crushing force that takes my breath away. I love him. But I'm also so mad at him. "You're crazy about a lot of girls." He shakes his head. "No, Megan, just you."I struggle to find my breath and not panic. I am keenly aware of how close his lips are to mine. My fingers burn to touch him, and my lips ache to press into his hair. Hearing him say these things is too much. He's too much. "Okay, everyone, gather up," Jose shouts. He guides Jessica and Michael to the back of the line and quickly scans the room. "Where's my maid-of-honour and best man?" he asks flippantly. Ben raises a hand. "Right here." "Hurry up, you two," he scolds. "We need to get organized."As we move into the lineup, Ben leans down and whispers in my ear, "Tell me what you are thinking."Does he expect me to condense a million thoughts into one sentence? He's insane. I open my mouth and let my first thought out: "You're not respecting my space." I stare at his clean-shaven jawline so I don't have to look him in the eye. "You promised you wouldn't hurt me...but you did. Should I continue?"Finally, I look up. He closed his eyes and shook his head once. "No, don't. You're right."He looks away from me, clears his throat and straightens his bow tie. When our names are announced, he spreads his fingers over my lower back, pressing me into his side and guiding me into the reception. As we walk onto the patio, we wave and smile, and we pass Steven, who winks at me. Once we find seats, the DJ announces Jessica and Michael as Mr. and Mrs. Mercier. Everyone rises, clapping and cheering their entrance. Michael twirls Jessica under his arm and dips her backward for a kiss. The reception moves quickly from course to course. I'm the first person to give a speech. I go up to the podium and unfold the crumpled-up paper on which I wrote my speech. I take a deep breath, glance up at the wedding guests, and then go over to the head table full of my longest and best friends. I clear my throat to speak when Ben's eyes find mine. I fumble with the microphone as he places his thumb and index finger on his chin, watching me.My mind flashes to an image of Ben and me as a bride and groom. The image appears so quickly, so naturally in my mind, that it adds to the space of uneasiness I can't shake. Is it possible I've always been in love, Ben? I swallow the lump in my throat. No, no way. Weddings always make single people think and feel crazy things.Finally, I start my speech. I start with the basics. I introduce myself, say how beautiful Jessica looks and how Michael is so lucky. I share a few funny stories about my friendship with Jessica, including the time we skipped class and the first time we fought over a boy. I also share a few stories about Jessica and Michael, including how they met and how they found love because of my misfortune. I talk about how their love has grown into something everyone wishes they had, and I say how I admire them as a couple. I finished my speech with a quote about marriage I found through a Google search and wished them all the best. Ending with quick cheers to the happy couple, Jessica cried and hugged me. Another course is served before Ben is called up to give his speech. He approaches the podium without paper, cue cards..., or anything. I've admired his poise and charisma, but now I find it annoying.The moment Ben speaks, he's captivated every guest. His speech is less formal and funnier than mine. Everyone laughs at his stories about Michael. And especially his stories about Michael and Jessica as a couple. But then he switches his tone, his voice lowering and his face slightly more serious. "All kidding aside," he says, running a hand through his hair. "I do need to say how fortunate Michael is to have found the love of his life," he stops. The room falls silent, and I look up, watching his lips part as he stares at my mouth. "Someone once told me it's not about who you want to spend Friday night with; it's about who you want to spend all day Saturday with," he stops again, looking sad for a moment, then speaking, "And you two have been blessed enough to have found the best of both worlds in your relationship. Not many people are lucky enough to marry their best friend."I can hear the guests' awes, sniffles, and murmurs, but Ben doesn't notice their reactions; instead, he's focused solely on me. I hear Eric uncomfortably clearing his throat and see Jessica curiously shifting her gaze between Ben and me. I've become nervous; my emotions are shifting wildly from one extreme to the other, but he seems so calm. So sure. Finally, Ben speaks again, "Which is why I am so happy that Jessica said yes to Michael when he asked her to marry him, so I wouldn't have to."The tension breaks with laughter, and Ben raises his glass for a toast. I feel hot and blushed but primarily confused and uncertain, so I stand up, walk away from the head table, and go straight to the bar.I order a shot of tequila, slam it, and order another. Everything Ben said was everything I've ever wanted to hear, making me wonder if he wants those things. And if he does, would he want those things with me? But then I remind myself he is desperately grasping at straws. He fucked up. He knows he fucked up, and now he's trying to win me over. He's the one who told me a few months ago that marriage was for idiots, and it was a known fact humans aren't designed to be monogamous. I lean against the bar and order a drink. The bartender mixes a cocktail and slides it in front of me. I take my first sip and remind myself I've already decided. I decided to end things with Ben because he was dishonest. I deserve better. "I'll have whatever she's having," Steven's familiar voice comes from my right. I look up to see Steven standing beside me."You want an apple martini?" I ask, laughing. He nods. "I enjoy a fruity cocktail now and again.""Enjoying the wedding?" I ask. "I am now," he says, smiling. When the bartender slides him a drink, he raises his glass. "To new beginnings," he says."I can drink to that," I smile, raising my glass because Steven couldn't be more right. We stand at the bar talking about the weather, baseball, careers, and favourite places to eat in Chicago. Our conversation shifts to the wedding, and he asks if I enjoyed the meal. I asked how much I enjoyed the lobster and if he enjoyed the ceremony. He replied that the best part of the ceremony was when I walked down the aisle. He also compliments my golden heels and says I look great in my dress. Our conversation is hijacked when the DJ calls up Jessica and Michael for their first dance. As their song begins to play and they begin to sway on the dancefloor, Steven leans in and asks, "Do you plan on getting married one day?"I choke a little on my drink. "Um... I'm fairly certain marriage isn't in my future.""I highly doubt that," he says, watching me. "You just haven't found the right guy yet."Following Jessica's father-daughter dance, the DJ invites everyone onto the dance floor. He plays a slow love ballad. Steven stretches out a hand, asking, "Care to dance?""Sure," I say. We walk hand in hand onto the dancefloor, and I can see Ben glaring at me from the corner of my eye. I place my arms around Steven's neck, feeling his hands fall to my hips. As I sway to the music with Steven, I don't care what Ben thinks. The absurdity of the situation makes my head spin. Thankfully, I can compose myself and enjoy this dance. Steven moves closer; his scent – cologne and clean soap – washes over me. He smells so good. His arms are so strong. He's also an excellent dancer. He leads effortlessly, swaying us back and forth. He tells me about how his mother taught him how to dance. Suddenly, Ben appears beside us, dancing with Stephanie. I glance down to see his arm fanned on her lower back. She smiles at us, flicking her brown curls from her face. Her arms are wrapped around his neck, but she still manages to hold a drink in either hand. I quirk an eyebrow and watch them momentarily, trying to hide any emotion on my face. Steven continues to ramble about his childhood, but I am no longer listening. Ben and I are too busy staring at each other on the dance floor."Having fun, Megan?" Stephanie asks, looking thrilled like a lioness that's caught a gazelle."So much fun." My voice comes out way more edgy than I expected. I turn away from them, shifting my focus back to Steven. I must not hide my emotions very well because he finds it necessary to ask, "Everything okay?" I nod. "Of course. I'm dancing with you. Everything is perfect."