Sweet Deceit

Prologue

The hand of my sister's best fried clutched my shoulder tightly. Saglit akong napatingin doon. He sobbed quietly, each second his grip was getting tighter. I pursed my lips, staring down at my old black school shoes, unable to look at him in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Sphie," Harold cried. "I'm sorry."

I was as pained as he was. Probably more. Pero sinubukan kong ngumiti, sinabing hindi niya kasalanan, at niyakap siya. We cried a lot, just embracing each other. We wouldn't calm down until Lester told us with a tired face that there were more visitors.

They were clad in black, a family in this town whom my sister helped a lot of times. They gave me sad looks and smiles of consolations. Try as I might, I gave it back.

They gave their hush condolences and I accepted them quietly.

Pinanuod ko silang lumapit sa kung saan nakalagay ang abo ng kapatid ko. Of what's left of her when they found her. I swallowed down my cries as the thought resurfaces once more.

I'll never see her again.

My heart crumpled up inside my chest and it felt harder to breathe. Umalis ako sa reception at hinayaan na si Harold ang tumanggap ng mga bisita. I ran outside the funeral venue, and with blurry eyes full of tears, went back home riding my bicycle.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakauwi ng buhay. It's a miracle I didn't trip over something, or got run over by a vehicle. The house was quiet, and I ran to my room to sob my heart out.

The last time I saw her, she was off to her boarding school. I remember her wide, cheery grins and boisterous laughs. How she was worried every time I fought with people. Her comfort, her arm around my shoulders as she walked with me through the park and she told me silly stories to cheer me up.

My sister. My only confidant. My favorite person in this whole world.

We had so many plans. Sabi niya pupunta kami ng Greece dahil gusto niyang makita ang mga dagat doon. I told her I wanted to go to New York because I wanted to see a bustling city compared to this small town. She said she'd treat me, once she's finished her boarding school.

"Pwede tayong pumunta sa Coney Island," she proposed with a grin. "Ano? Sasama ka?"

I laughed, feeling light, despite the troubles that had bothered me just a minute ago. "Oo naman!"

We'd go to different rides. Try crossing the streets, eat different kinds of food. We'd take my mom's old polaroid camera. We'd take pictures. Have all the fun in the world while eating ice cream.

We'd try going to Thailand to pet the elephants. Taste some hot wine during Christmas in St. Petersburg. Swim in Caribbean seas. We'd have so much fun. We'd be together, maybe even go with Lester or Harold. If my mom wanted to, maybe she would.

My sister, Sofianne, would be happy if our mom would. But my sister's gone. I will never see her again. Those plans... will never happen.

I sobbed, my heart aching that I screamed. Heaving, I saw the plushie she gifted me beside my pillow. I took it to my chest and cried harder.

"Why did you leave me alone?" I cried, my
eyes stinging and hurting. I was out of breath.

"Why?" I sobbed, and it felt like everything has already ended.

My whole world collapsed, everything in pieces to the barren and dead ground.

That night, I don't know how I even survived. I don't know how I even woke up again. In days, the funeral was over. Harold went back to his home. Lester stayed with us, even though he missed his flight back a day ago. My mom couldn't stop sobbing, even whilst we ate at the table.