I miss you.
Like really miss you.
I miss you more than I ever thought I would.
I miss you more than I mean to.
You were one of the best friends I've ever had.
I haven't had many close friends that didn't end up hating me.
I just want to see you.
I want to talk to you.
I want to have one of our old random conversations that I used to love and miss terribly.
I want to tell you so much.
I want to thank you.
There's so much you don't know.
I had depression and was at my worst time when you were there.
I could rely on you to be there to lift me out of my downward spiral one period every school day.
You always did, you know.
Whenever I was particularly down, you noticed and went to great lengths to get me to laugh.
You always succeeded.
You made me happy, when there was no true happiness to be found.
You gave me a little glimmer of hope that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thinking about you makes me cry.
Every time.
I'm crying right now.
No matter how happy I am, I will always cry.
I wish I'd told you this.
All of it.
Before you left.
I just can't stand the thought of our lives going separate directions.
I don't want you to be a memory!
I want you to be there.
Whenever I need a friend, my mind goes straight to you, even though I can't go to you.
I have to find someone else.
But no one can replace you.
I just want things to go back to how they were.
I don't have depression now.
I'm happy.
I would take the depression back in a heartbeat if that meant I could have you back in my life.
I wanted to kill myself.
I thought I would the night after graduation because I knew, you wouldn't be there any more.
I didn't.
You left that tiny spark of hope in my heart.
I also knew I couldn't do that to you.
I couldn't hurt you.
I still can't.
I don't know how anyone could willingly hurt someone as amazing as you.
You don't deserve pain.
I thought I did.
You are the kindest person I have ever known.
You deserve the best life any person could have.
That's why I never told you any of this.
I didn't want to burden you.
I have left this one my friend's shoulders as well as my own.
Nina and Jacqui.
They know.
I wanted to tell you more than anything.
I just couldn't.
I keep giving myself the excuse that there was never the right time, but that's just what it is.
An excuse.
To procrastinate.
I put it off.
I shouldn't have.
I know that now.
A lot of good it does me.
You'll ever see this.
You'll never know.
I'm left with this on my heart.
I'm left with you in my heart.
You have a piece of it.
Whether you wanted it or not, it's yours.
And you took it with you when you left.
It's gone now.
With you.
I suppose that's some comfort.
It could've ended up with someone else.
I'm glad it's with you.
I wouldn't want it with anyone else.
It was always meant for you.
And it's yours.
I can feel the empty space where it used to be.
Where our bus and lunch conversations were stored.
Where everything about us was kept.
Gone with the wind.
Never to be dug up again.
Never to be known, that feeling that was once there.
Never to be held again what was our precious friendship.
Gone in a day.
I never knew you could lose something so monumental in the matter of a few measly hours.
I guess we both know that now.
For our own reasons we found that out.
We both found it the hard way.
And on our own way we go.
We will cross paths a couple of times in the near future.
It's inevitable.
It's unavoidable.
And it will never be the same.
From now on, whenever we see each other it will be different.
No more random funny inside jokes.
No more conversations in general.
Simply small talk.
How've you been?
Good, and you?
Good.
I just predicted our next conversation.
And I have a feeling it will be very accurate.
I lost you.
And I don't know where you are.
I can't find you.
I want you back.
I need you back.
I love you.
