Prisoner To Your Heart

Chapter 1

I'm not a pretty girl.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm completely awful to look at, people don't run and hide in the streets and shriek out of pure terror when they see me. I just... simply didn't stick out.

Men don't stop in their tracks and lose sight of what they're doing when they see me, the way I notice they do with pretty girls. I'm a ghost in human form.

The fact that I can't be bothered to put any effort into my appearance and avoid eye contact with men at all costs may have something to do with it.

I wasn't always like this. I used to care about that stuff. But ever since... "the incident," everything changed. I lost my spark.

I am average at best, 5'1, brunette, hazel eyes, petite figure. I have slight curves but nothing in your face about it. My friend Shelley, she's a knockout. Blonde hair, tall, blue eyes, god those blue eyes. She's warm and bubbly, and I am shy and guarded. Total opposites.

I dread the times she forces me to go out with her to parties, because I always get left out of the conversation. My mind will fall elsewhere, and all I can think about is being anywhere but in a room full of people. I usually give it an hour or two before I tell her "Hey, I'm going to head home," "are you sure?" she says, trying to look like she wants me to stay, but she knows I want to leave. And she always respects that. One thing I like about her is she never makes me feel like an outcast, I still do. But she doesn't make me feel that way. I do that all on my own. We used to have so much fun together in high school filled with these crazy nights out, meeting new people every weekend, making so many memories along the way. Until I withdrew. I bet she misses those days. Sometimes I do too.

I like to read, I have 3 bookshelves in my little dorm that are overflowing with books of all genres. Sci-fi, the classics, auto bios, romance novels, mystery, you name it. I like books that made me feel something. I like Catcher In The Rye because I can relate to how much of a loner Holden Caulfield was and how even though he never really found his place he was hopeful of the future. I like reading celebrities auto bio's because it shows that even despite how rich and successful they are, they're just as lost as the rest of us. I like the Notebook because it reminds me that true love is real. Even if I never find it myself. I know 21 seems a little young to feel hopeless about love, and it wasn't that I was necessarily looking for it... like at all. But sometimes when I see those couples making out at a subway station without a care in the world, with no regards for who sees, I wonder what it feels like to feel that type of love. Safe. Secure. Pure Passion. I've only ever seen it from a distance. I love my family, and while my parents are still very much together and have been for over 30 years, I've never so much as seen them lay a peck on one another's cheek. When I would go to friends' houses at a younger age and I would see their parents kiss I would say "wow your parents are so in love," "they're just kissing, you never see your parents kiss?" Then they would shrug it off.

When I finally graduated high school and moved out of my small town Silverwood, and headed to the big city four hours away in Ashville to attend University, my parents were so excited for me to get out and make some friends. They hoped being away from home would help me find myself again.

Fall back in love with life.

With myself.

But it didn't.

I could tell i worried my parents. This wasn't the daughter they knew. The daughter they knew was still a bookworm, but could always put the books down when she would catch buzz of an upcoming party/get together, or to go to the mall to splurge on whatever sales were going on at her favourite stores with Shelley. Truthfully, I don't know how I kept Shelley or Maxx around this long, they deserve major props for still being my friends.