Figuring It Out - Homestar Runner

Talking It Out

Strong Bad wakes to the sound of sniffling.

At first, he thinks he might be sick again, turning over towards the back of the couch to try to sleep it off; but when the noise persists, Strong Bad sits up with a start.

"What the- Homestar!"

The aforementioned Homestar Runner glances over at Strong Bad from where he sits on the floor, and jeez does he look awful. Homestar looks worse than he usually does (which is always); his weird comma eyes are filled with tears, accompanied by eye bags nearly the size of Strong Badia.

"Oh, hey Strong Bad," he mutters, as always acting like he's almost surprised to see the other in his own house.

Strong Bad groans, moving himself to where he's sitting level with Homestar. "What happened this time, man," he deadpans, rubbing his temple with a gloved hand in an attempt to satiate his growing headache. What time is it, like 4 in the afternoon? It's way too early for this, Strong Bad thinks.

Of course, he's gotten used to Homestar Runner breaking into his house, especially to cry over something stupid, and especially this week. It's gotten to the point where Strong Bad has given up on yelling at the other to get out, because he knows he isn't going to. He never does.

As if to prove it, Homestar lets out a heavy, exaggerated siiiiigh. "Marzipan broke up with me," he whimpers, "again."

"Of course she did. That's, what, the fifth-"

"Third."

"-Third, whatever, time this week-"

"Today."

Strong Bad waves a glove dismissively. "Today, sure, I-" he pauses, tiny hamster in his brain wheel churning overtime in a desperate attempt to wrap itself around this information. "You what."

Homestar frowns, underbite wobbling with the threat of tears. It's pathetic, really, and Strong Bad almost feels bad for him. Almost. ...He decides to look over at the wall instead.

"We've brokened up three times today!" Homestar cries. For a split second, he presses pause on his misery, "Uh, four if you count when I broke up with her."

The headache only gets worse. "You broke it off with her?"

"Well, yeah. I broke up with her for dumping me!"

Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. That is entirely not how that should work, Strong Bad is pretty dang sure, and- seriously, four times in one day? It's like the two couldn't decide whether they liked each other or not. And from what little Strong Bad remembers Homestar telling him, they never tell each other why they're not dating anymore before they're back together like nothing happened; and, frankly, it's really stupid!

And you know what, no! Strong Bad didn't need to be wasting his Friday- or was it Wednesday? Sunday. ...Chunstintorday? He didn't need to waste his day of the week toiling over other people's romances! He didn't care about this, he'd much rather be sitting in his room playing video games until he passed out! Why did Strong Bad constantly have to keep getting caught up in these two's relationship problems? It's not like he's their marriage counselor or something-

Actually.

A scheme worms its way into the wrestleman's brain. A scheme to keep Homestar from moping on his couch at 4pm on a Chunstintorday.

Strong Bad stands and grabs the collar of a very confused Homestar's shirt. "Come on, you pansy, we're fixing this," he growls, and storms his way towards the stairs.

The Cheat, casually sitting on the dryer and most definitely acting natural after listening to the conversation, greets the two as they pass.

"You're in charge until I get back," Strong Bad commands, pointing at The Cheat. They give a hearty salute as they chitter an affirmation.