A Chance on Serendipity

Chapter 37

Sinindihan ko ang dalawang puting kandila at itinirik ito sa gilid ng puntod sa lupa.

In loving memory of
Avelina Soria-Arceo

The familiarity of her name maimed my grieving heart. Habangbuhay na magiging pamilyar ang pangalan ng taong hindi ako sinukuan kahit pinagdudahan ko siya. And I would never want to forget her. Kung paano siya ngumiti, mag-alala, mag-aruga, magmahal.

"Sorry, ginabi na ako..." bulong ko at ipinasok ang mga kamay ko sa bulsa.

The flames battled with the wind until they eventually died. I had to sit down and relight them twice. It was the only thing illuminating the area aside from the street lamp afar.

"Kumusta, Mommy?" Tipid akong ngumiti. "Dalawang taon na akong nagtratrabaho... Ang dami-dami ko nang pinagdaanan. Ganito pala maging EMT. Ibang-iba kaysa sa Nursing. Mas stressful."

I was off to a bigger world now. After a few months of break, I went back to my city life, worked hard, and moved to a condo in Manila. I decided not to take the Nursing Licensure Exam anymore and worked instead as an EMT or Emergency Medical Technician.

I have been holding the hands of critical people for quite some time now. I resuscitated them, brought back most to life... but some died in my own arms.

Mabigat ang trabaho ko ngunit gumagaan ito kapag alam kong nakakapagligtas ako ng buhay. Hindi palaging masaya dahil bugbog ang katawan ko sa pagod, pero kapag gumigising ako sa umaga, napagtatanto kong mabuti na lang pala at hindi ako sumuko.

"Akalain mo 'yun, Mommy? Sa Lifeline na ako nagtratrabaho. Ang bait-bait pala ni Ma'am Leona."

I joined the rescue team of a private emergency medical service provider, where the founder, Ma'am Leona, was my mother's close friend. Nagtrabaho ako roon kasama ang ilang EMTs and paramedics. We were the ones who assess injuries, provide first aid, and transport people to the hospital.

My work environment was healthy. No one judged why I didn't pursue the boards despite completing a Nursing degree.

"Pero alam mo, Mommy, mas kaya ko ata 'yung pressure na magsugod ng mga tao sa ambulansya kaysa sa pressure na maging Chief Nurse sa AGH." I chuckled. "Besides, AGH is doing well. Tito Eli is doing well."

Tito Eli supported me in my venture. With his financial support, I was able to acquire a condo unit of my own. Hindi niya ako pinigilan sa gusto kong makamit sa buhay.

Ewan ko. Tila ba nagbago ang ihip ng hangin at unti-unting sumasang-ayon sa akin ang ikot ng mundo.

It was a huge change of heart, and it was never easy at first. Araw-araw, iniisip ko na what if sumunod na lang ako sa orihinal na plano. Sometimes I feel like I betrayed Mommy, I betrayed Tito Eli, Manang Lia, Tiya Agnes, and everyone who believed in me, including my younger self.

But the pressure that's been imposed on me was too much for me to bear. Everyone was expecting me to be a good nurse and I'm afraid I would eventually lose myself trying to live up to other people's expectations.

That's when I realized I was just trying to conform to the society's definition of success. I realized I was not in the wrong field, but instead, I was chasing the wrong star. I realized I could still use my skills without trying to prove anything, without trying to fit in to everybody's idea of a "future Patricia."

Besides, I felt like this was really my calling. After my mother was murdered... I felt a greater urge to save people's lives.

"Hindi na ako tumuloy sa AGH... Naiintindihan mo naman ako, 'di ba, Mommy? Masaya na ako ngayon. Sana masaya ka rin diyan sa itaas."