Death and the Maiden

Bored, so I thought I'd sh** post

Death and the Maiden as Vines and John Mulaney Quotes

Prologue:
Lord Kamiya about Sano's gambling: "I gave you more money than the Civil War cost and you fuckin' spent it already!"

Kaoru to Sano: This is why mom doesn't fucking love you."

Kenshin when he sees Kaoru at the temple: I want a church girl, who go to church, and read her bible.

About Kenshin: He was a man most acquainted with misery.

Chapter One:

Megumi: You can't sit with us.
Tomoe: Actually, Megan, I can't sit anywhere. I have hemorrhoids.

Kaoru when she realizes Tomoe is going riding with her: That's what I thought you'd say, you dumb fucking horse.

Akira: All women are queens.
Enishi: If she breathes, she's a thot

Kaoru fighting Enishi: You fall down on your back and you kick upwards at him. That'll throw him off his rhythm.

Chapter Two:

Saito: and he was almost impressed

Saito: Ok, you know what. You're in time out. Get on top of the fridge. Get up there!
Kaoru and Sano: This house is a fucking nightmare.

Kaoru when she meets Kenshin: He was the weirdest goddam person I have ever seen in my entire life.

Enishi's men: How to pick up girls...
Kaoru: Eeeek...get off...

Chapter Three:

Kaoru: Hi....
Kenshin: Ok....

Kenshin explaining Kaoru to the people at the inn: That's my wife...

Misao: I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss.

Misao reacting to the Kenshin and Kaoru situation: Now we don't have time to unpack all of that...

Chapter Four:

Kaoru when Kenshin brings her to Edo: Na na na, sister. You're not getting me to no secondary location.

Kaoru about Tomoe: His hair: whack. His gear: whack. His jewelry: whack. His foot stance: whack. The way that he talks: whack. The way that he doesn't even like to smile: whack. Me, I'm tight as fuck.

Kaoru when Kenshin teases her about not being as pretty as Tomoe: No, that's a thing I'm sensitive about!

Kenshin: reaches over to take Kaoru's hand
Kaoru: pulls away

Chapter Five:

Kenshin suggesting that he and Kaoru sail to Kyoto on a steam ship: There's a Norwegian Cruise Line leaving for Martinique. Here's my plan. You and me get very dressed up including hats and we wave handkerchiefs at it until it disappears over the horizon.

Kenshin and Kaoru boarding the dragon ship: We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship, zooming through the sky...

Kenshin about Kaoru: And with Jewish women, you don't have to guess what they're thinking... they will tell you.

Kaoru about going to Kyoto: We can't come here, we're too famous. I can't go here anymore.