The Thanksgiving I Could Never Forget, Even If I Wanted To

Howard Stern (not the big time Radio Personality) the Periodontist was nervous and excited. He had been invited to Tara Liat's parent's home for Thanksgiving dinner and it was a big deal. He and Tara had been dating for five months, and she mentioned a few times, that she would never introduce anybody she was dating to her parents if she didn't feel seriously about the relationship.

Thanksgiving in Canada wasn't as big a big deal as it was in the United States, but it was still an opportunity for big family gathering. Howard wanted to nail his chance with Tara's family. He wanted everyone to be impressed with Tara's choice as her boyfriend. He wanted Thanksgiving to be perfect.

Tara texted him her parent's address just before he left his house. The address was ''1249 Vintage Avenue'' and he was to arrive at three thirty to meet the family. Tara sent him one more message asking him to pick up a fruit platter for dessert. When Howard dropped by his local supermarket ''Freshco'' he decided to buy a large chocolate cake instead of a fruit platter. He also grabbed a bouquet of flowers and a nice bottle of Chardonnay.

Howard programmed the address of Tara's folks into the GPS of his Toyota Camry, and headed off. He was really looking forward to a memorable Thanksgiving.

The weather was kind of crusty with lots of snow starting to fall, so Howard took the 407 toll road. He kept checking his GPS and when he passed Bayview and then Bathurst Street, he had a funny feeling that something was wrong. He called Tara but she didn't pick up the phone so he left a voice mail. He switched off from Sirius XM radio to get the local weather and traffic details on 680 News, and the forecast was not promising at all.

When he finally turned off the highway and followed directions (going down hard to navigate side streets) he ended up in a crusty looking part of Toronto at Jane and Finch. He drove to the address Tara had sent and it was an apartment building. He got out, confused. Did Tara's parents live in a rent subsidized building?

He locked the car and walked to the front door and there were a bunch of teens huddled in front of it. It smelled like they were smoking ganja. One of the group a tall kid with a bandana around his head looked him up and down. ''What ya want man?'' Howard felt like turning around and running, the guy seemed kind of antagonistic. ''Uh, I think my girlfriend's parents live here, and I'm just going to look at the names on the buzzer board in the lobby.'' The group started laughing ''Are you fuckin' mad man? The intercom? We have no buzzers in this buildin. What's your girlfriend's parents name?'' Howard was not comfortable. ''It's okay guys, this could be the wrong address. I'll go back to the car and try to call them and they can come down to the lobby.''

One of the bigger teens blocked Howard's progress. ''Man, I didn't see you pay for your parking spot. In this buildin' you gotta pay to park here!'' The other guys stared at Howard and one of them raised his shirt up about two inches to show the handle of what looked like a gun.''

Howard was trying to figure out how to answer when two elderly ladies came out the lobby door. Howard ran to them. ''I'm so glad to see you, I love you two and I have your Thanksgiving gifts in the car. Come with me and I'll give them to you.'' The teens were watching closely as he grabbed one of the ladies' hands and slowly led her towards his car, the teens started following them.

When he got near the door, Howard ran as fast as he could in the snow and jumped in his car. The two ladies looked at him like he was mad as he quickly backed up the car (doing a half donut) and left the parking lot driving over the curb. He looked in his rearview mirror and the teens were doubled over with laughter. Howard wished he could've found the funny about the situation.

One he felt sufficiently far away from the Apartment building he pulled over to the side a road and tried to call Tara again. She once again didn't pick up his call. He reprogrammed his GPS and it told him to go back to the 407 and head East which was the direction he had just come from. There was an identical address in Markham. Howard was not having fun.