Already Gone

This is a story that I have had in my head for a while.. But I'm not sure how I want to end it.. Well enjoy :)

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I wake up this morning, wondering why God hates me enough to make me live another day. Kya Remman is my name. What kind of name is Kya?

"Time to wake up!" My mom pokes her head through the door and flips the light switch on. It's not that I didn't like my parents, it's just that I feel like a disappointment next to my sister, Ava. Ava has perfect hair, perfect teeth, a perfect body, good at sports, and is basically perfect. Then there's me.

I walk to my dresser and pull out some clothes. Again, my sisters fashion sense is amazing. Her closet is legit a mall. Mine on the other hand, mainly consists of sweat pants and old hoodies.

I rush to catch the bus to school. I'm a freshman at Burlington Valley High, unfortunately. I have always hated school, since my grades aren't particularly dazzling, and I have trouble making friends. In BVH it's all about cliques. There's dozens of random groups of friends, and I don't exactly belong to one.

At lunch, I looked around and decided to sit with Angela's clique. There sat Brienne, Olivia, Molly, Gretchen, Liz, Ali, and Elle. A girl named Shay used to sit there, but then She got into a huge fight with Angela and Brienne, and was kicked out accordingly.

I wasn't good friends with any of the girls but hey? Where else would I sit. All of the girls were talking about Shay, and what a lying bitch she was.

Angela then turned to me and asked "Kya, your not actually friends with her right?" I wasn't to sure on how to answer. I barely knew Shay, so who was I to call her a bitch?

"Um, I actually don't know her to well." I answered hesitantly as I unwrapped my turkey sandwich.

"Ya, I don't know her either." Olivia said. Olivia and I go way back. She's actually my neighbor, as she just moved in down the street a year ago or so. Me and Olivia were actually "Bestfriends" for a long time. But then she started ignoring me in 7th grade, and it's never been the same. We attempted to patch up our friendship in 8th grade, but then she began blowing me off for her other friends, and it just didn't work out.

I walked home alone from the bus stop, because Ava had field hockey, and Olivia was at her friend Alyssa's house. As I unlocked my front door, I wondered what I'd do to myself tonight.

I finished up my homework before sitting on my bed. I opened up a box of blades and picked one that would satisfy me. You see, self-harm isn't something I do for attention. If it was, everyone would know. But not everyone does.

To me, self-harm is a way of revenge. A cold-hearted, bloody, and painful one. But a way of revenge nonetheless. I was never good enough. I'll never be good enough. Im a tad overweight, my nose is huge, I get bad grades, and sometimes, Im a complete bitch. And that's my reason.

Sometimes my "friends" will make self-harm jokes, and I'll just sit there, silently attempting murder.

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The homecoming dance is in a few weeks, and the whole lunch table was flipping out about dresses and shit.

"So we're going to go dress shopping tomorrow after school!" Angela exclaimed.

"Oh I don't think I'm going to the dance." I said. I really didn't want to get all dressed up and look like I was trying so hard. Wouldn't that look stupid? I don't know.

"What do you mean your not going?" Brienne jumped in.

"Dances just aren't my thing." I answered.

"We'll, you should still come dress shopping! Who knows, maybe find a dress, fall in love?" Brienne said. The rest of the group nodded, before switching topics.

I thought about it. Maybe this will be good for me? Probably not. I guess I could try, but I still wasn't as excited as the others.

The next day, all the girls piled into Angela's moms maroon van. We drove off to the mall to check out dresses, and I worried about my situation. I had cuts on my thighs, so I couldn't go with anything to short.

We all walked into "Sammi" a shop popular for cute dresses. As soon as we walked in, the bickering started.

"OMG! Look at the pink one! It would totally look good with my black hair!" Ali exclaimed.

"Um, it'd look good on me too! I'm trying it on." Elle said.

"No I'm trying it on!" Ali yelled.

I quickly spaced myself from the two. I walked aimlessly down the aisles, barely looking.

"Kya, are you ready to try your picks on?" Olivia yelled across the aisle. I quickly picked 3 random dresses before following her to the changing room.

I walked into a stall, and undressed. All the dresses would hopefully cover my scars. I picked up a puke green dress and threw it on. It was tight, and stopped right above my knee. It had black stitching across the side, making it less appealing. Though it made my green eyes pop, I decided to move on to the next dress.

This dress was red. It stopped just above my knee as well. It was strapless, but it flowed out a bit under my bust, making it less slutty.

I walked out of my stall, and did a 360 in the mirror. "OMG YOU LOOK HOT!" Olivia screeched. Olivia was wearing a pale blue dress, which figures since it was the only color she actually liked.

Thanks, but you look amazing as well!" And she did. Her olive skin looked great against the blue, as did her eyes.

"Are you gonna buy it?" Molly asked.

I pondered a bit, wondering if it was worth it. Finally I had made my decision. "Ya I guess I'll buy it."

"Does that mean your gonna go?" Brienne asked.

" Ya, I'll go. Lets go find some shoes." I answered.