It's currently 5 am. It's dark outside. I'm alone in my basement and listening to music.
To be honest: I feel like shit.
I pretend everything is alright but let's be real: it's not. I feel like, I'm falling in a hole again and it feels like, it's even worse than the first time. I wanna talk about it but no. I can't. I don't want to be a... how do you say it? Idk. I feel i can only ask once for help.
For the past weeks I've been skipping my "school". Luckily, they don't ask too man questions why I'm not coming. But I'm liying to my family. They belive I'm going to "school" even though I don't. I lie to them, but I'm scared if im telling them the truth, they get mad. I dont want to be a... still, I don't know the word. I feel like I'm going insane.
I cant even clean my fucking room. Why do I feel like this even though I have a loving family and friends? I HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO FEEL THIS WAY!! I have a privileged life. I live in a house, I have clothes, food, clean water, school education and so on.
But why? Why do I feel like this?
I just don't get it. I just wanna be a functional Human. I wanna have a Job and make money. I wanna be on my own, but I can't. It's me. I'm sabotaging myself. I'm lying to myself. And I know it.
But I can't get out of my own head.
Iam a fucking failure to society. And to myself.
Anyways. Im tiered. I need sleep. Good night!
