Fated

Chapter 1

~ Flashback ~

She's standing over me, leaning on one foot and tapping the other. Her slender arms are crossed and her auburn hair falls lazily around her face. She doesn't look at me. "Please, I don't understand. What did I do? I thought that - I, I thought," I stutter - something I'd never experienced before this moment, as if the words refuse to form, because if they do, their very presence will make it real.

"I know what you thought Chris. But you don't know what I thought," Natalie responds monosyllabically, with the audacity to actually look bored as she issues her no-warning break up. As if it's a courtesy to tell me that we're over. Only last week, we were on our weekly cinema date; she was reaching over to steal the popcorn from me, and we were in love. Or at least, I was in love. I think. 

"Exactly. I thought I knew you; I do know you." I sit down in my chair. Just 10 minutes ago I was sitting happily in the very same chair, before Natalie stalked into my bedroom and demanded that we 'talk'. "But I just don't know what's happened. What's happened to us."

Natalie sighs derisively. "Things just aren't working out Chris. It's not right." I can't tell anything from the expression on Natalie's face: unreadable. I always used to like that quality - it kept me on my toes, striving to be a better boyfriend for her; I'm not so sure now.

"What did you mean it isn't right. I made it right. I put everything I had into making it right. I gave you everything I had Natalie. I gave you everything and I won't believe that it wasn't good enough."

"Its been a year since we first started dating Chris. People change. I changed. You changed." 

I didn't change. It's her that has changed. Or maybe I'm just seeing truly seeing her for the first time. I thought I saw her before. Truly saw her; I let her see me, every broken part, but right now, in this moment that stretches out before me like a rubber band pulled to its breaking point, I can't find my Natalie. That one I knew.

"Please, Natalie, what did I do. It can't have been nothing. What can I do to change this?" I'm pleading now, pleading to save whatever's left. Whatever's left of her that's still mine.

Natalie stops tapping her foot. She looks down at me and then glances over at the clock sitting on my bedside table. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be Chris. You'll move on; I have. C'mon it's easy. You'll find someone new, someone who'll... appreciate... you. For all your... uniqueness."

"What about all the effort we put into this. Every date, every memory that I remember every time I look at you. What about that, what about the way things were. Don't you want that back?"

Natalie rolls her eyes. "Listen Chris, there was only ever one person in this relationship. We never had what you thought." Her face still betrays no emotion, as if this is something she had always known, always relied on, but had never admitted until now. Was I ever her boyfriend, or just the emotional servant she had under her thumb, ready to provide her with all the validation she needs, draining me like a succubus.

But now, she's plucked me from her like a feather, and seems able to cast me off as lightly as one too. What of me remains without her? How much have I let myself intertwine my identity with hers. Her words cut into me, just like how she pierced through the walls I hastily built up when she walked in saying she 'needs to talk about us'. She's shattering me. "What? Natalie? What do you mean? You were a part of this relationship. Of course you were." I can't tell if I'm trying to convince her, or myself.

The sound of a car horn blasts outside. "I've got to go Chris. You'll get over this."

"Who is that Natalie? Who is that? Who is waiting for you. Where could you possibly need to be?" Striding over to my window, I can see the familiar shape of an Audi third series. "No. No! Natalie! Please, no. Is this why? You were happy to let me put in all the effort until someone better came along?" I'm breaking in front of her. I'm unravelling. Unravelling when I had promised myself I never would, not before anyone else.

"I don't know what you're talking about Chris." This time I can see the deceit plastered across her perfect face, marking it like graffiti on a mural.

"Yes you do Natalie, because I can see Jacob's Audi outside my house. My house! Did he drop you off here, send you to finish me off before you galavant off into the sunset together?" Natalie refuses to back down or shrink away from my gaze. "How long has this been going on Natalie? Tell me!"

"Nothing's going on Chris. You're upset; you aren't thinking clearly. I'm just trying to break up with you. Let me." Some of my sadness is turning to rage now; I can't tell if the anger if a lifeboat pulling me to shore, or an all-consuming fire threatening to engulf me.

"No, I've never been thinking more clearly Natalie. You're going to leave my bedroom and you're going to get into Jacob's car, where he'll ask you if it's done, and you'll go off into the sunset  together like the couple you wished you could be while you were still tied to me."

"Fine Chris. I want to date Jacob. Sherlock would be so proud of you. So what. So what I kissed him at Hannah's party last week, and now I want to explore that. And you know what, he's way more exciting than you ever were, and I'm not going to be ashamed of the facts."

"You kissed him? Natalie!" I'm striding around the bedroom at full velocity now. "I can't believe this! I knew that I would always have to work to keep your interest, but I thought that was just you with guys. Not just you with me."

"This is better for both of us Chris. We can finally be with the people we want. Not just trapped by each other." Her half-cooked attempts to placate me just serve to dig further in.

"No Natalie, you can't get out of it that easily. We weren't trapped by each other. You were trapped by me. Did you ever even like me? Or was I just a way to keep you entertained until someone better came along? Are any of the memories I have of you even real?"

The horn sounds again. "I have to go Chris. You obviously have some things to figure out." She reaches into her bag and pulls out a hoodie. "I think it's best if we don't talk anymore; I've already blocked you on my stuff and you should do the same." She drops the hoodie on the floor, and walks out the door, leaving only the faint smell of her perfume and the image of her climbing into Jacob's car.

Alone, I break.