MADGYAL

Chapter 3: Feeling like that.

"One time we did too young we did affi stay inna di yaad! couldn't wait fi grow up and move out and get wih owna yaad"💯

Vanessa

"What if dem a some weird old people weh like control people and slap dem up and dodo up dem self pan purpose and seh "CLEAN DAT SHIT NOW!!" kayla asked me laughing as she took a sip of the red cup filled with pepsi. She pulled off the second slice to the side of her peperoni pizza taking a bite. I took of bite of my veggie pizza glaring her up and down with a stank face that caused her to hold her belly wheezing.

"gyal nuh wramp wid me dem way deh yuh know me guh guh fi dem fuckery deh and me nuh desperate fi money. no old gyal or bwoy cya boss me around. mi mouth can barely kibba anyways" i said shrugging my shoulder. zia nd chinny were across the room where zia was putting in goddest brades into her hair laughing as they listened to me and kaylas conversation.

"thats why we surprised seh you even take that job!! knowing deh you cya hold yuh market mouth" zia said. I sighed looking down at my freshly done white toes and my nails i finally got done after procacinating all day. i let my long sister locks i had under the thick curly wig from the party i went to on tuesday flow down my back curly. i loved them. i was thinking about dying them pink but scared to because i didnt want to be parting my hair one day and a lock comes out in my hands. the way me woulda mad out?

"me never think me woulda take such a job either but, me need the money" i shrugged my shoulders. all my friends didnt work. them have them scammer man baby father who took care of them, but alot of bun dem affi take alot of crying and shit. shit me personally wouldnt deel with because me woulda either end up a belview or prisson more so prison. chinny baby father just breed him side gyal and she was pretending she was scool with it. saying:

"watch how she breed fi mi man and she still ago be side gyal" she tried to force a smile out but the more i stared at her braining hair and looking out of space i could tell it was fucking with her. a far she and the bwoy a come from.

thats why me personaly enjoy treating men like sluts. nyam mi pussy and give me money and go and thats it. no relationship no love. you cya love dem man ya when you love them thats where you fuck up. people in general not even just men. you get taken for granted you get played you get toyed with. there are some men out there with good intentions but the dogg dem make it hard fi dem every fucking day.

"well hopefully all goes well, you know if you dont like them you can aways quit and you dont affi stay there. plus Justin will take care of you" kayla said poking fun at me. i glared over at her mentioning wah bwoy wah me used to deel with. i hated even the though if him.

him just so fucking dumb and annoying. every day him send me thousands of dollars wah him work hard fi make fi me and him never get mi craches, me never even been in a room with him alone by my self not even a kiss me ever give him. the most me ever do a hold him and and flirt with him.

fucking pathetic shit. me hate idiot man but me love the money though. my friends knew i hated him. they asked me "why you always treat him suh a good youth eno" because sometimes dem deh deh and hear him a ring down mi phone and a bawl fi me talk to him.

he came off as a sweet person to other people but he really wasnt sweet. hes sweet to girls like me and my friends who intimidate him and be little him, but to other normal basic every day girls hes disrespectful and with that being said i just dont hold any respect for him. but hes my little idiot so i take the opportunity not every bitch has a idiot, just to show you im not everyother bitch im a bad one.

"if me dont like them, the entire yaad ago hear bout dem mumma big pussy and me ago leave" i said causing everyone to giggle but i was dead serious and me sure dem know seh me serious me will pull down mi draws and spread mi batty gih everybody me dont care. i dont care how old they coulda been me nahh let nobody fuck me over just because me need the job and me keep mi word to mi self always.

"you a mad woman" kayla said laughing.
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In the late night i sat in my room packing up my clothes. most of what i brought were dresses that i ordered online months ago when i found out i was getting the job, i had skirts and a few jeans too but i knew i wouldt be wearing them much, this family had a weird thing about me not wearing "young people clothes" thats what the woman on the phone told me. i found it stange but i just went with it because i do need the money.

i stared at my reflection across from me looking at my locs once more. they were so fluffy and long and pretty. if it was one thing about me that i adored apart of me were my locs. theyve been here long enough to see all the things ive been though. being called mopp head, rommin noodle snake head. i chuckled at my self remembering about this one boy i liked so much in primary school. romaine skarlet. i had the biggest crush on him.

you know when youre little and in primary school you do things for people that you like alot? i used to buy him snacks i was nice to him. one day he lost his lunch money and i have him half of mines. i was head over heels for him. then a new girl came to school. brown and pretty with long wavy black hair down her back. he forgot about me immediatly. next thing i knew i was being called mop head and snake head and being teased.

those names followed me right up to grade six, right up to highschool where he chased me trying so hard to fuck me.

"Nessa remember you used to buy me suck suck and chips and share up your lunch money wid me how you a gwaan suh? yuh nuh like me again? yuh get hype eeh? i remember he asked me in eleventh grade. buy then the pretty girl "carhissa" had gotten pregant with his baby and she was dropped out of school and kicked out of her home. he walked around the school telling everybody shes a hoe and the baby ano fi him a fi wah other bwoy inna wih class named tevin martin.

I was so glad i stopped liking him since primary school. last time i heard of him hes in my instagram dms begging for a reply. reacting to all my pictures. asking if he can see me. me??? mop head girl?

Ive heard it all about my locs. i was tempted to cutt them off when i got in highschool and a teacher laughed at a joke a girl made about them after her bwoyfriend did a look me off. i started hating them but im so glad i never did. but now they reminded me of the person who made me start them, my mother. i remeber when i was little i was looking at her as she twisted water out of them as we were coming from the river. they became damp and blowing in the wind.

I said "wowww" she was so beautiful and tall with beautiful dark skin slim figure with sunken cheeks plumped heartshaped lips, straight nose, almond eyes thick pretty eyebrows and beautiful dimples that i inherited from her. her hair frizzled and wild and naturl just showed her natrual beauty. it was captivating even to the birds that flew by and pitched on her shoulder ocationally or the dogs or stay cats that tried to be oddopted by her or even some of my friends that saw her and wated to live with me. my mother was beautiful.

It was no wonder after my sisters locked their hair i wanted mines just like hers. she told me id get teased. when i begun to complaine about the "cockroach inna har head" comments she giggled. she told me id hear it. but she told me that as i got older all those guys would want me and all the girls would want my locs. She was right.

I sighed reaching down and picking up the last black dress sitting loosly on the bed. i picked it up folding it and putting it in my bag. I adored my mother. me and her are not ans will never be on good terms. but deep in my heart my first love was my mother. i still remember how shed hold me and kiss me when i was a child and make me feel loved some days and then a couple weeks later i feel like i dont have a mother again.

I had alot of love and hatred for her in my heart. alot of built up anger there for why she didnt raise me and my sisters. why that man who still live up a di yaad wah she a mind wah she poured out all of ehr love to wah me and my sisters did deserve why him come before us? why she still cannot see how she did wrong why she could never sit down and listen to us for once?

Why she admondon us?

I gulped away the tears i felt coming into my eyes. i got all the love I deserved from my grandma i didnt need her. but i still wished she loved me like she love that big nasty dutty no good son of a bitch worthless disguting man am i wrong for feeling that way?

Am i wrong for hating and feeling jealous of him?

He took my mother away from me.

Took my love.

He took my mommy.