The Muppet Christmas Carol

Chapter One

     In the eighteenth century on Christmas Eve, powdery white snow covers the beautiful town of London as people get ready for Christmas. At an apple booth, Gonzo, Rizzo, and their human friend, Nevaeh, are selling fresh apples.

     "Christmas apples," Rizzo calls out.

     "We got McIntosh," Gonzo calls out.

     "Get your Christmas apples," Rizzo says.

     "Red Delicious," Nevaeh adds.

     "Tuppence apiece, while they last," Rizzo, who is eating two apples, announces.

     "They won't last long the way you're eating them," Nevaeh scolds him.

     "Hey, I'm creating scarcity. Drives the prices up," Rizzo says.

     "Rizzo. . ." Gonzo sighs while Nevaeh rolls her eyes, but then they notice the audience when Rizzo clears his throat. "Hello. Welcome to The Muppet Christmas Carol. I am here to tell the story."

     "And I am here for the food," Rizzo says.

     "And I am here to tag along," Nevaeh adds with a shrug.

     "My name is Charles Dickens," Gonzo—er, Charles Dickens introduces.

     "And my name is Nevaeh Ohlemacher," Nevaeh introduces herself.

     "And my name is Rizzo the Rat," Rizzo introduces himself before turning to Charles Dickens. "Hey, wait a second, you're not Charles Dickens."

     "I am, too," Charles objects.

     "A blue furry Charles Dickens who hangs out with a rat and a human woman?" Rizzo asks.

     "Absolutely," Charles replies.

     "Charles Dickens was a nineteenth-century novelist," Rizzo objects.

     "I thought it was eighteenth century," Nevaeh says. "Regardless, he was a genius."

     "Oh, you are too kind," Charles says to her.

     "Why should I believe you?" Rizzo asks.

     "Well, because I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand," Charles replies.

     "Prove it," Rizzo says.

     "All right," Charles says, and he turns his head away while holding his hand toward Rizzo. "Um, there's a little mole on my thumb. And a scar on my wrist from when I fell off my bicycle. . ."

     "No, don't tell us your hand, tell us the story," Nevaeh patiently interrupts.

     "Oh, oh, thank you. Yes," Charles says, and he clears his throat and looks at the audience. "The Marleys were dead, to begin with."

     "Pardon me?" Rizzo asks, a little creeped out.

     "That's how the story begins, Rizzo," Nevaeh explains.

     "'The Marleys were dead to begin with.' As dead as a doornail," Charles continues.

     "It's a good beginning," Rizzo compliments. "It's creepy and kind of spooky."

     "Oh, thank you, Rizzo," Charles thanks him.

     "You're welcome, 'Mr. Dickens,'" Rizzo says sarcastically.

     "In life, the Marleys had been business partners with a shrewd moneylender named Ebenezer Scrooge. You will meet him as he comes around that corner," Charles narrates.

     "Where?" Rizzo asks.

     "There," Charles replies as he points at the corner.

     "When?" Nevaeh asks.

     "Now," Charles replies.

     Right when he says that, the old miser himself comes around the corner. It suddenly seems to get darker, and a cold wind starts to blow.

     "There he is. Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge," Charles says.

     Ebenezer Scrooge walks past the apple booth, and Nevaeh and Rizzo shudder.

     "Say, is it getting colder out here?" Rizzo asks.

     "And did it just get darker?" Nevaeh asks.

(Author's Note: I don't know the names of all the Muppets, and I can't seem to put the videos on here for some reason, so I'm not gonna write the lyrics for this song. I do apologize.)

Everyone sings about how Scrooge is hated and feared by everyone, how he is a merciless man who takes their money and won't give any to the poor. Nevaeh, Charles, and Rizzo hide behind a lamp-post as Scrooge walks by.

"Scrooge liked the cold. He was hard and sharp as a flint. Secretive and self-contained. As solitary as an oyster," Charles tells the audience.

Scrooge makes his way to his office, not caring to apologize to anyone he carelessly bumps into. Right before entering, he turns around, and everyone quickly goes back to doing what they were doing.

"Humbug," Scrooge grumbles, and he enters his office, not noticing Nevaeh, Charles, and Rizzo nearby.

"What an unpleasant fella!" Rizzo says.

"You can say that again," Nevaeh agrees.

Charles nods his head in agreement before turning to the audience.

"He was a tightfisted hand at the grindstone, Scroo. . ." Charles stops when he tries to peek inside through the window, but he can't see anything through the dirty glass.

Nevaeh lightly scratches at some of the dirt with one of her long fingernails.

"Boy, this really is a dirty city," she chuckles lightly as she flicks the dirt away.

"You're telling me," Rizzo says.

Charles looks around for something to clean the window when his eyes land on Rizzo.

"Come here," he says, and before Rizzo can do anything, Charles grabs Rizzo and uses him to clean the window.

"Thank you for making me a part of this," Rizzo says sarcastically, and Nevaeh is unable to hold back a giggle.

     Charles drops Rizzo once he finishes cleaning the window, and then turns back to the audience.

     "He was a tightfisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge. A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous old sinner," he narrates.