This is a little part of my depression, writing about my problems just to be judge by other people. I used to care about what people think, but now all of it is just bullcrap. I don't know what happen to me. I used to be out there, happy, loving, laughing and smiling and not faking it. Now all I wanna do is cry and be alone and listen to hard mental, some life I got huh? I always wanted to fit in, sure I'll lie to make my way in, but its horrible hanging around people that don't know the real you, hanging around my parents, they can't even look at me the same anymore. I've had a good childhood, I think to myself, what went wrong? How did I get so messed up? Was it the people I was hanging out with? Would I ever be the same again? Would I ever feel something, or even smile? I ask my self those questions, but after realizing its no ones fault but mine. I let myself die, couldn't do anything about it. Those feelings I once had are twice as bad now! Some days I'll feel them, others I don't. A lot of days they all hit me like a truck! And I worry and then there's an anxiety attack. My brother calls me dramatic, my parents think I'm lying or I watch way to much TV. But I know how I feel. I feel alone, scared, pain, destruction! I stay in bed all day sometimes, sleep all day. Maybe if I sleep all day I wouldn't worry so much. Well to hell I'm wrong! It just makes me stay up all night crying, cutting, popping pills. But no one sees, or hears because there to busy with instagram, or Snapchat, worried about who posted this, who said what, whos dating who? Its so stupid to think you used to be like that but once your in the dark everything comes so clear. You see the world in a different way. Everyone sees the world in a different way, the truth is the depressed and destroy people see it clear. When your not depressed and your all happy and jolly, you block everything, and anything to be happy. That's your way of living. Mine is different. I see the world as if it was a toy. Everyone uses it until something better comes along, than they just throw it away like nothing happen. When your depressed you see everything, feel everything, hear everything, music gets louder, tears fall from every thought, thoughts burn your head and heart because you think about it so much it hurt and aches your heart. Wishing it would stop but, you don't want it to. Its the only thing that makes you feel, the only thing that makes you, you! You've had this depression and anxiety for so long your scared to go without it. Learning so much about yourself you never knew. Feeling things you never thought you feel. Everything becomes so clear and the way you see things makes the world so beautiful.
