Blue

1: WHEN THINGS FALL APART

I am out of breath at the bus station. There is a huge crowd of students surrounding me all in their blue and white uniforms and shabby looks but I am still paranoid if someone will see me amongst them. I kept glancing at the road, I ran all the way across to come here , nervously. Can people file a missing person report for someone who is 20 and missing for less than an hour I wonder? Not really right. I hope that is the case.
The only thing I have are just the clothes I am wearing on my body and here I am leaving this place behind for forever but I don't care anymore , still a part of me wishes I took my phone with me. I contemplate running all the way back and getting my phone from my locker at the University but its too risky of a task and I might miss this bus ( my last chance to leave everything behind) or worse get caught by the people I am escaping from. Either of which is way more dreadful than leaving without a single penny in my pocket to God knows where.
Some of the kids glance at me while I stand there looking like a complete refugee but they don't stare for long which seems like this is normal to them. There might be many kids like me , fleeting from home, fleeting from food ,money and a life they used to live to oblivion, kids fleeting merely from their slow death, kids saving their lives. I see the bus arriving from a distance. It is a little foggy because of the twilight but you can still see the big blue bus with its sharp yellow headlights from afar. I kick at my feet nervously. Every fiber of my being is shaking with paranoia as if I am about to jump off a cliff but at the same time I am not doubting anything right now.I am confident that this is what I actually want to do. I want to leave. I don't want this degree anymore , the dream car or house I have always envisioned, the people I have been pleasing since forever , the trust I have been trying to keep , the money in my bank account that I tried so hard to save for my future , anything and everything I had or wanted to have, I don't want it anymore. I genuinely want to leave.
Just as the bus is like 10 meters away, I hear the sound of a police automobile going off just behind me. Every hair on my body stands up. Please no please no please no I mutter like a mantra in my head. Suddenly there is chaos at this particular sound and all the kids are running towards the bus even though it hasn't stopped at the station yet. I join the crowd of running kids and try my best to blend in with them. Is the vehicle here for me? Did they send it to me? Did they find out I was leaving? If that is the case why is everyone just as scared as me? Why are all these kids running and escaping the automobile too? There are probably things about these kids , this bus and this place I am headed to that I am yet to discover but I don't care because nothing can be scarier than what I am leaving behind.
I try to climb up the door of the bus but it's too high for me to reach and hearing the police siren getting closer and closer is making my heart do summersaults right inside my chest. My legs are going weak when I realize the bus is almost filled and I still can't get in. That is when a hand reaches out for me and grabs me by the wrist aggressively pulling me in. I fall flat on my face and the bus starts moving at the exact same time with a sharp jolt so I roll on my back by the force of the vehicle. I dont have the strength to get up for a few seconds. I stare at the yellow lights lit on the roof of the bus. They're flickering and I notice everything around has gotten dark which indicates it must be around 6:30 ish pm. Everything gets quiet as I keep laying on the dirty bus floor. I swallow down my saliva which tastes like swallowing years of burden I have been carrying on my two shoulders.