When I woke up the bus was moving. What the fuck? How long have I been asleep? I rolled out of my bunk and landed on the ground with a thud.
"Uhh, you ok there?" Jax laughed, sticking his head out of his bunk, which is directly above mine. I grumbled a response and stood up.
"Jax, how long has it been since I got my stitches." I sighed, he poked his head out of his bunk again.
"A week from today, why?" I groaned loudly and flopped onto the couch.
"I want to drink alcohol!" He shook his head and returned his attention to his laptop. I sighed and looked around, everybody was still in their bunks, either sleeping or ignoring my yelling.
"Take your medicine Phoenix." Bradey called from his bunk. I groaned loudly and stomped to the kitchen. I took them unwillingly and peeked my head into Bradey's bunk. He was listening to his IPod, how thw fuck did he know I was up? o.O He glanced at me and waved. I waved back and ran up and down the hall way of bunks.
"PHOENIX!!!!" James yelled. I sat in the middle of the hallway and sighed, annnnnddd then I started singing.
"Hiii, my name is Phoenix and i'm reallly fucking bored, yeah i'm really fucking bored, super fucking bored. I'm sitting in a hallway filled with sleeping people who are reallly fucking annoyed and sorta hate me right now, But they're my bestest friends evvveerrrrrrrr , YEAH. I'm super fucking bored, and I want some candy and liquor, cannnddyyy and liqquuoooorrrrrr. Medicine is yucky and Bradey's an asshole because he made me take it. Certain people need to get up so they can entertain MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" I growled the last part and everybody stuck their heads out of their bunks.
"Phoneix hunny." Katrina started.
"Shut the fuck up." James finished. I huffed and got up.
"Fine, i'll go in the back room and sing." I crossed my arms over my chest and stomped to the back room. I turned the xbox on and sang quietly, what i'm in the musical.
"No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore. It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score. And why do we like to hurt so much? I can't decide....You've made it harder just to go on. And why? All the possibilities where I was wrong. That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa." I hummed.
"Phoenix?" I looked up and saw Marcus standing over me. I waved and turned my eyes back to my game. He closed the door and sat next to me.
"Are you ok?" I almost laughed. A small amused smile crossed my lips. Of course i'm not okay you fucking cunt.
"Yeah." I said simply. Why the fuck does he care NOW?
"Are you sure. Cause-" The look I gave him stopped the words from escaping his lips.
"I'm. FINE." I said, forcing my voice to be polite. He was silent for a minute.
"I miss you." I almost fucking killed him. I paused my game and glared into his soul.
"You miss me? You miss me? Who's fucking fault is that Marcus?" He looked down and swallowed hard.
"It's mine and i'm very aware of that, but Phoenix please, I-I love you so much ok? I can not just be friends, it's physically impossible for me. You can't comprehend how sorry I am." He was breaking down in front of me, and I didn't know how to handle it. "I miss you so fucking much, I don't know what to do with myself anymore." He croaked. I found myself starting to forgive him and I didn't like that.
"You can't just..." I stood up. " You can't just pretend like nothing happened!! I still don't even know why you did it? Can you even tell me why? I want to forgive you so bad, but I don't know if I can." I'm to emotionally fragile for this shit.
"I.....Phoenix....." And then he started crying. My breathe caught in my throat and I just stood there. Oh my fucking god, I can NOT deal with this. I instinctively wrapped my arms around him. He cleared his throat and wiped away the one tear that manage to escape. He looked over at me and suddeny we were a mere inch a part. He's doing it again, he's fucking doing it again. I shook my head and pulled away, he's not gonna do this to me again. I got up and walked out. I walked to my bunk quickly and got my phone out. I just held it for a second, I really wanted more than anything to talk to Andy. I almost made a HUGE mistake back there, I almost let him back in. I took a deep breathe and just plugged in my head phones. I turned my music on as loud as it would go.
*
When the bus stopped, I immediately got out of my bunk and walked out the door. I still had my head phones in and O.C.D by Suicide Silence came on, a smile graced my lips, this is my favorite song every to scream. I really had the urge to do the Lucker stomp. I kept walking around the venue, not really paying attention to my surroundings. A.M.F is playing first today so they were setting up our shit. I got on the stage, restarted the song, and sang along to it into the microphone. When it was over I laughed and looked up. A tired looking Austin was watching me. I took one ear bud out and jumped off the stage.
"I'm pretty sure you did better on that song then I did at the memorial show for Mitch." He chuckled. I scoffed and shook my head.
"Whatever you say Austin."
"No seriously, you're better at lows than me. " He said, smiling. I rolled my eyes and stopped my music. I wrapped my headphones up and put my phone in my back pocket. "How're things going with you and Marcus?" I sighed heavily and crossed my arms over my chest.
"We talked this morning, he wants to get back together....." Austin raised an eyebrow.
"And?" I huffed and sat on the ground.
"I almost did it, he looked so vulnerable and like the Marcus I fell in love with. I was so close to just forgetting everything but in the words of Hayley Williams "Once a whore, you're nothin more." " I said shrugging. Austin sighed and sat next to me.
"You're allowed to forgive people you know."
"Would you forgive Gielle if she came crawling back to you?" He let out a long breathe.
"Probably not, but you're making things so much harder for yourself. Just stop interacting with him, don't talk to him, don't argue with him, just stop. You need a break from each other." I nodded, Austin and his advice.
"Thanks dude." I said, smiling.
"No problem kid."
