A Girls First Love - A collection of poems

I'm Bad With Words

I don't know how to express myself in words,
Writing is always easiest for me.
Even then poetry is my best friend,
and it shows how I truly feel.
I've written many poems about you,
Ones that will never seen eyes other than my own,
Some that I wish I could show you.
But I can't do that anymore can I?
Now that things have ended this way.
I'm not naive, I know you don't want to talk to me,
So I think maybe soon the day will come,
Where it will be the last time,
We see each other again.
I'm sorry if this is stupid, with my metaphors galore,
And figure language that doesn't make sense,
But it's the only way I know how to communicate.
I think we will always have unfinished business,
But that's ok,
Because eventually we'll just be strangers,
Who hold secrets about each other,
That will never be shared.
Even after you leave you won't leave me,
Always carrying parts of each other throughout life.
But I think my internal war is over,
Because I'm forgetting. I hold our memories close,
But I forget how your lips feel,
And your arms wrapped about my waist.
More importantly I forget how we don't talk anymore,
Besides sprawled messages here and there.
Weekend slowly have become doing new things
Then crying I wishing they were spent with you,
As they always were.
Sometimes the anger and guilt still arrive
But not as often and I don't cry.
Maybe this is healing? I can't wait for you anymore,
Even though my heart wants too;
It wants to wait lifetimes for you,
Wishing it was us this universe and not in another.
But I need to learn to let go,
Because even if I go back, we won't fit,
So I carry you in the bones that give me strength,
But not my heart which dominates all.
I'm going to have to love you quietly,
And have nothing more.
I saw this coming though,
I knew for the moments I laid eyes on you
We wouldn't be friends,
So if we can't be lovers than we have to be nothing,
Because I will always love too much,
More than what you want.
It was fun while it lasted though,
Teaching me to love myself and I discovered
What I truly want, so thank you.
Thank you for building me when I needed it, And showing me how to build myself.
I will never regret loving you,
I just wish I had met you before,
I was ridden with sadness.
Never stop being you, because,
You are truly the most beautiful,
And incredible person I know.
Sometimes I forgot you were suffering,
Because of the bravery you had,
And that's my mistake.
You won't ever be the bad guy in my story,
Because neither of us were bad,
We were just 14 and trying to find someone to be sad with.
However now we are old now, and maybe it was love,
And maybe it wasn't,
But I'd like to think it was.
I would still live this life a hundred times again,
Even if I wasn't meant to be with you forever,
And not regret a thing.
I don't think I'll ever not miss you when I hear your name,
But hope it will bring my joy instead of longing.
So if this is our last moments,
I want to tell you everything,
But I don't know what everything is,
So I'll leave it at this.
I love you, forever and always past the sun and back,
So thank you for showing me love like that.
Thank you for showing me someone could love me,
Just as much as I loved them,
Even one days I didn't want to wake up.
So if you ever don't feel loved just know you are loved by me.