hopeless

dying slowly

He sat in his bed, another day drifting by. He felt hopeless. He never would do anything except for rot in his bed. That's all that he was good for anyways. Nobody cared about him, maybe except for his parents, but unfortunately they don't care like they should. They simply treated him decently, but never actually caring about his feelings. His hopeless feelings. His feelings that told him to give up every minute of every day. He wanted to. He wanted to give up more than anything else. He couldn't though. He had no way of escaping this hole. He never left the house, so he couldn't just go jump off a building. He felt he undying urge to plunge a knife into his chest every time he woke up. His life meant nothing to him, and his only purpose was writing his stories. The stories that he loved the most, but only added to his sadness as he realized none of it existed or mattered. He cried every time his brain drifted there, telling him how all of his aspirations were fake. They would never be real, and knowing that truth hurt him more than anything else in the world. He pretended to be a different person in his mind as he chatted with the little people in his brain. The only people who would listen to him. Understand his strange behavior. No one else did. He felt so desperate to have some kind of friend, anyone, anything would be good for him. Unfortunately everyone ignored him. He dropped out from school within the first two days due to his overwhelming anxiety. He wanted to die so bad. So, so bad. Unfortunately, he couldn't be the person he was in his mind. He wasn't even a he, and he knew that. It absolutely crushed him knowing he was never going to be that character in the silly little life he created in his brain. He usually would stare in the mirror for hours, wanting to rip his flesh off. He was greeted with his horrible disgusting face every time he looked. He deserved to die, for simply existing. For being himself. The complete loser with no talent, who has no dreams, and no motivation. A lazy, selfless, jerk who deserves nothing. He feels nothing towards others, so why should he deserve anything? His lack of understanding towards others causes most of his issues, but it's not excusable. He deserves absolutely nothing. Nothing. He deserves to drown, or fall off the tallest building. He needs to plunge a knife in his throat, but he can't? He wants to so desperately, but he can't? He's too scared, and he has to continue going to write his stories. The stories no one gives a single thought about. He's a coward. A selfish, disgusting disgrace to the world. His life is worth nothing just like the stupid stories he writes. Why does he even try? He doesn't know. He doesn't want to anymore. He has nothing, and no-one. He wants to die, but he's too much of a coward to act on his urges. What a pathetic loser. That's unfortunately all he'll ever be. He'll never be good enough. Ever. He needed to end it a long time ago, instead of just saying it. Why is he such a disappointment? Why can't he be like everyone else? Why does he have to be some stupid person who has not empathy for others? Why can't he ever speak his mind? Why? Why does he have to suffer? Well, nobody knows. Life is unfair, and especially for him. His stupid self deserves nothing.