The Commune

V. Alexandria.

Alexandria

The box is Gwen's?

This is insane. Why would his box just be out here in the middle of the woods? If this really is some box of secrets Gwen was trying to hide from us then how and why are we finding it now? Open for anyone to see.

Maybe someone found it and is trying to air out whatever dirty laundry they think he had.

There's a journal with almost all the pages ripped out and I'm not really sure what to make of it. Of any of this. I'm not even sure it's really his. I know he could be a bit secretive at times, but I was with him more than anyone. How could I not know about this?

I feel so... actually, I don't know how I feel. Or how I should feel. Stupid. Confused. Mad. Anxious. All of the above.

This is all so overwhelming.

If this box really is Gwen's and he chose to hide it from me all this time, then what else was he hiding from me? And what use would it be for someone to reveal it now?

Or maybe whoever opened it just happened to stumble upon it, same as us. But how?

"Alex, you good?" Nic calls back to me as he continues to examine the contents of the box.

"Uh... yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." I am definitely not. "I mean this is ridiculous, right? There's no way this is some secret box of things Gwen was hiding from us because that's insane, right?"

"I don't know Lexi, I'm pretty convinced it's his." He pauses, looking through what was left of the journal. "No one else I know writes like that."

"It's no use Nic, Gwen could come back from the grave and tell her himself that he had a secret life and she still wouldn't believe it." Xena ridicules me.

"Fuck off Xena. No one asked you to be here. So at the very least you can shut the fuck up." I glare at her.

She's so irritating.

Xena fills me with a sort of rage that I don't think I've ever felt before. It's definitely not a feeling I enjoy.

I hate that I let her get to me like this.

I hate her.

I don't hate anyone. But I hate her.

Why does she always have to push my buttons? How can I trust anything she says when she acts like such a hateful shrew?

It's hard to believe there was ever a time that we used to be friends.

As soon as Gwen told me about what happened between them, I knew she couldn't be trusted. Only a snake would hook up with someone they knew their friend liked. And everyone knew how Gwen and I felt about each other, it was obvious.

But of course, when I confront her about it, she decides to play victim and act all innocent. And she has the nerve to call Gwen a liar.

It's ridiculous how she just expects me to believe her, a girl I was hardly friends with, over my boyfriend who I've known for almost 2 years.

Besides, I know she's just bitter because Gwen actually loved me. Whatever she had with him was virtually nothing. She'll probably say anything to make me just as bitter as her. But I'm not. I refuse to be.

Still, I can't quite get what she said tonight out of my head.

As much as I hate to admit it, despite all the ways I don't trust her, and all the ways her presence makes me physically ill, sometimes I wonder if it's possibles that there might be some truth to the things she says.