Dear life,
I hate you. You've ruined me. You made me cry. You made me die. You made me mad, you brought me the anxiety and depression that I never asked for. You put me through so much and for what? "To make me stronger"? But the thing is I didn't need to be stronger. I needed to be loved and cared for and I didn't get that and for that I hate you.
But I still love you, you brought the best out of me but you brought the worst out of me. You make me give energy when I don't have it. You push me to my limit and then push me more. I've accomplished so much, more than I ever thought I would be able to do. And for that I thank you. You give me a storm then a pretty rainbow. I've been tired of a long, rough, storm just for a stupid rainbow.
I thought about ending this life and moving on to the next, whatever that looked like, but I couldn't imagine what that call would look like. I can't imagine the look on your faces. I couldn't put you through the same pain and memories that I've gone through. I couldn't put you guys through that, that would be selfish of me. So instead of living for me, I live for you which is why I care about your judgments and your thoughts about me.
I know that I should live for myself but if live for me . . . what's the point? What's the point of living for yourself if everyone hates you? Does everyone secretly hate me? Part of me cares while other parts of me don't. Which is weird.
It feels like I'm a walking contradiction. It feels like one minute I'm okay then the next minute I'm not okay. One minute it's sunshine and rainbows, then the next it's as if I'm dying.
It hurts me sometimes to think about it, well it hurts me all the time. Whenever I used to think about death my chest squeezes and my breath becomes short. But now . . . It's a calming thought. Like it's a backup plan if everything goes to shit.
You will never get the best of me, Life, I'm too stubborn for that. I hate you and will always hate you but I love you deeper than anything else. Again, a walking contradiction.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Life
Short StoryIf this was my last chance to tell the world how I experienced it, let these letters be my testimony. All the grief, all the anxieties, all the curses of life, let this be my testimony. All the joys, happiness, and freeing moments, let this be my te...
