Even If It Hurts

JINAH

Jinah's home that afternoon:

The rest of your things arrived at your home and your brother is there helping.

"Where do you want this box, Puppy?"

You try to be happy, but it's hard. Your heart still hurts so badly. You put on a smile for your brother and tease him, "What does it say on the box, silly?"

He stops to look, reading the side of the box, "Oh, bedroom, riiigghht." He heads toward your room, and you smile. This is the first genuine smile since moving back home. He comes back out of your bedroom, grinning and rubbing his stomach.

"Well, that was the last one. Are you ready for lunch? I'm starving." He is looking at you, hopefully.

"I, I'm sorry, Mark. I really don't want to go out." You feel your eyes tear up, but you fight them back. You won't cry; it's just hormones. Seeing the look of disappointment on your brother's face, you offer an alternative: "We can order delivery, whatever you want."

He smiles and grabs his cell phone and makes the call. While he is placing the order, your stomach turns on you, and you rush to the bathroom to throw up. You wash your face and rinse your mouth before leaving the bathroom.

When you come out, your brother is standing there glaring at you. "Why didn't you tell me?" In his hand is the pregnancy test.

You snatch it from his hand, "Where did you find this? Were you snooping through my things!?"

"No, Puppy. I wasn't snooping. You know I'd never do that. I went to clear the table for us to eat and accidentally knocked your purse off the table, dumping everything out."

You start crying, and he pulls you close to him, saying, "Don't cry. Please don't cry." Wrapping his arms warmly around you, he asks, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Your face is against his chest, tears soaking his shirt, "N, no."

"Okay, I'll let it go for now. I won't push you. But I will expect you to tell me at some point, okay?" He feels you nod your head. Still holding you in his arms, the doorbell chimes. He lets go and moves towards the door. 

Smiling, he says, "Foods here!"

You really didn't feel like eating. You just wanted Yoongi. But for your brother's sake and the baby's, you will try to eat a little something.

Your brother comes over, puts the pizza box on the table, and opens the lid. The aroma is usually delicious, but this time, it makes your stomach turn, and you have to put your hand over your mouth and run to the bathroom. After rinsing your mouth and washing your face, you sit on the floor against the tub and start crying. "Oh, Yoongi, I need you . . . I need you . . ."

Your brother knocks on the bathroom door, "Puppy, are you okay? It's morning sickness, isn't it? Hey, wait, it's not morning. What is going on?"

You get off the floor, wiping your eyes, and then open the door. "It is still called that." You step out of the bathroom. "Sometimes smells can make me nauseous, and sometimes even my toothpaste will make me want to throw up."

"Dang sis, I didn't know." 

"Mark, I'm not hungry. I want to lie down for a while."

He puts his arm around your shoulder. "I totally understand."

You want to ease the worried look on his face so you decide to tease him, "You've had morning sickness? Are you pregnant, too?" You grin mischievously at him.

He laughs, "I've had morning sickness if you want to call it that, after too much fun the night before."

You laugh remembering when he came home drunk from a bachelor party and woke up in the morning throwing up. "Yeah . . . " You roll your eyes, grimacing, "That's pretty close to how I feel."

He walks you to your room. "Do you want anything? Water, crackers . . . a large slice of pizza." He dodges you as you try to swat at him. He hurries to the door and, leaning on the door frame, asks, "Seriously, sis, do you want anything?"

"Yes, if you don't mind, could you unpack my books for me and eat that pizza in the spare bedroom with the door closed?" You smile at him.

"Okay, anything you want, Puppy. Call me if you need me." He closes the bedroom door.

You plop down on your bed, grabbing the pillow to muffle your cries. It feels like your heart is slowly torn in two, and the half being torn away is Yoongi.

Totally unaware of what was happening with the boys, and to Yoongi, you drift off to sleep with your face still wet from crying.