lilacs

Haven 3 | time for change

The next day at work, Minho is an absolute wreck. Nothing works out the way it should because nothing has been the same since reading Jisung's note last night. The note in which he made sure to tell him in whatever nicest, yet most direct way possible that he could no longer do whatever it is they had been doing up to that point.

Minho has been so out of it ever since then that Hyunjin sends him home early, saying he would be fine on his own, even though Minho knows exactly how tired his friend really is. Because being a father is exhausting. The most amazing thing in the world, but still absolutely exhausting. He only feels a little bad about leaving Hyunjin alone at work though, knowing he is most definitely not in a good state right now anyway. He faintly recalls having had some sort of plans with his wife for the evening, but pays it all no mind when he drives to his best friend's apartment instead to unpack everything that happened the night before and smoke with him in the meantime, like they have not done quite so in a little while.

Changbin listens as always, puts a hand on his friend's shoulder while he talks, in some sort of attempt of comforting him. Because he knows how much Jisung means to Minho. He knows and it hurts him to now have Minho right here, on the verge of tears he would not let out, telling Changbin about what happened last night and how it all ended with bloody knuckles and a vague argument with Haneul about how those came to be, without Minho telling her the reason of course.

And just when Minho is about to ask why now, why his boy waited until last night of all times to leave him, ask what he has done wrong so suddenly to make him no longer want to be with Minho, Jisung's timing suddenly makes all the sense in the world. Because Jisung knows. He knows Minho and Haneul are having their anniversary today, planned on celebrating it tonight as they would annually. Jisung knows that any normal couple would celebrate with some sort of romantic outing or an at-home dinner, then probably end up entangled in the sheets to put the very cherry on top.

Of course Jisung would know, would remember such a thing. Because they always talk and Jisung is the sweetest, most attentive, especially when it comes to Minho or the three remaining men at Haven. Jisung always remembers absolutely everything about Minho and never judged him for a single thing while they were living in their little blissful bubble, fucking and talking and laughing and being so good together that neither of them really wanted to accept the most painful parts of their union. When you are fully happy, sometimes it is hard to still see the negatives that come with it.

And their talks are equally as important to Minho. Because sometimes they would not even have sex, just meet at or in a hidden area close to the bar in a little cafe that apparently only a few people know about and then just talk. Talk and laugh and brush against each other's hands when no one is watching, look into each other's eyes with all the affection they have for each other right there on display for only their partner to see.

They do that because it has not just been about sex for Minho in a long time. Not with Jisung. Not when they are so good together, even though they should most definitely not want each other the way they do.

How could anyone ever expect him to get Jisung out of his mind again? The boy is not only absolutely stunning, but also so very sweet of a guy. One who puts his loved ones before himself, smiles like he purposely tries to shoot an arrow through Minho's heart every single time. One he just knows he can no longer see himself without. No matter how selfish it is to think that way.

Because Minho is married. He has a wife and three kids, a successful business and a best friend who could drop dead any day now. How could he wish to keep a boy like Jisung as well? Jisung does not deserve what they are or what they would always be. Minho thinks Jisung deserves the world. He deserves to go out into the world, study what he has always wanted to study, find a man who could openly show his love for him in more or less the public, hold his hand and kiss him whenever it feels right to do so. And Minho knows it would never not feel right to want to kiss Jisung. But the thought of him with someone else is too painful. Too much, too devastatingly unimaginable that Minho understands immediately why he thinks that way about Jisung in the first place.