That Cliché Vampire

Your Life or Mine

I race down the street, turning corners and moving around vehicles when necessary. The scream repeats itself a couple times, making it easier for me to navigate there. I can't wait to meet this girl. Even the sun doesn't bother me right now because I'm so excited.

Entering the scene, I see an entire herd of those monsters crowding around a red car. None of the dimmed windows are broken, but the zombies are still banging on them, and they don't look like they plan to stop anytime soon.

That reminds me.

In case you haven't figured it out, I'm kind of living in the middle of a zombie apocalypse right now. Cliché, I know... I just woke up one day and there was this six-foot zombie standing by my bed. I totally destroyed that thing. I shot out of my sheets and punched that demon through the wall before it had time to emit its dead noise from the back of its throat. I swear I could hear chants from girls outside my window as my fist went straight through his eye socket. Talk about embarrassing... for the zombie, at least. I mean, those things are like twigs!

Anyway, I start to approach the car, as I swear I have a gut feeling that there's someone trapped inside. It's like my natural instinct to sniff out humans. I guess I'm kinda like a zombie... On second thought, I actually have a soul, so no, I'm not like a zombie.

I hear another scream come from the car.

In a matter of seconds, I have my famous gun ready in my hands, and I start pulling the trigger. Zombies drop dead on the left and right of me. Some of them have missing eyes and teeth. A couple with no legs spring themselves at me, but I quickly ease their pain. Their blood splatters on my face and clothes as their eyes practically rip out of their sockets on impact.

If this girl doesn't love me after this, I'll be pissed. I'm her hero, am I not?

When I eliminate every single man-eating, flesh-loving, crude, vile zombie from the perimeter of the car, I stand motionless as the sun roof opens. As if everything is in slow motion, a girl with blonde hair pokes the back of her head out. When her whole torso is exposed, she turns around slowly, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. I stare at her for a moment and realize that the color purple looks so amazing on her. I think I'll make it my new favorite color... Holy crap! Those are-

She snaps me out of my daze by asking, "Who are you?"

I look back up to her eyes and try to form words with my mouth. I end up stuttering, "A-Aeron."

She narrows her blue eyes at me and starts to climb out of the car. She sits on top next to the sunroof and slowly puts her legs over the edge. Damn, she's so hot... She looks my age, and she's easily 5'8''.

"Are you going to help me, or not?" she asks. She looks at me as if I've committed some crime. Oh, but I would commit any crime for her.

"Uh, y-yeah," I mutter as I walk over to her. She holds out her hand and I hold it in mine. It's so soft and delicate... I help her down onto the ground and I get a whiff of her perfume; just the right amount. Wait, but how did she even get some of that? We're literally in an apocalypse.

"So, uh," she starts, "Do you kill zombies often?" She eyes me up and down as she chews on her gum. Don't know how she got that either... She crosses her arms and pops a knee.

"Uh, um, yeah," I mumble, "I... I would totally, like... kill any zombie fo-for you." I look down. Why would I say that out loud? Mental facepalm.

She seems taken aback as she says, "Uh... Yeah, sure, so I don't really have any like, weapons, so like, maybe you could kill like, the zombies for like... for me." She drops an arm and moves the other to her hip. She slightly raises an eye brow and leans forward. Is she showing off her... I mean, she is wearing a v-neck, but... God dammit, she's the first girl I've seen in a year and she's already trying to seduce me.

"I-I... I would uh, most definitely, uh, kill the-the zombies for you," I say.

"Great!" she slowly and cheerfully replies, "So, where are we staying?"

Is she asking where my house is? Well, it's about fifteen-thousand miles away in a deciduous forest. The scenery is great, never mind all the thugs down the street and occasional gun shots... Oh, wait. Like, a hotel? Yeah, she wants to stay in a hotel, right? But, if we stay at a hotel, that means...

"Where have you been sleeping?" she asked again, obviously impatient and annoyed. I have to figure out something fast, or I might lose her.

"Don't worry!" I cry, "I have a hotel room down the street! I-It's great!" I drop my gun and it lands on the ground with a thud. I pick it up embarrassingly and sigh.

The girl looks me over for the second time and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, okay, I'm Kendra," she mutters as she crosses her arms again.

Just as I'm about to speak, she screams and starts pointing behind me. It's like she's at a loss for words.

I turn around and see a zombie running towards us. He's about a block away, but he's running pretty fast. I'm surprised this girl could see him.

I look back to her and ask, "So, are you afraid of them or something?"

She gives me an angered look and replies, "You aren't?"

"Well, I-" I stop myself immediately and think of a bullshit answer. I can't tell her I'm a paranormal, human-killing, satiric demon.

I laugh as I say, "I just know that they aren't that strong."

Kendra leans back against the car and asks, "Can you shoot it already then?!"

Gosh, she must be emotionally scarred or something. Why is she so afraid of them? Wait. If she's afraid of them, then she'll always cling to me when one's around, right? I can already imagine it...

"Dude!" she yells. "Whatever your name is, hello?"

"Y-Yeah?" I ask, looking up.

"Shoot it!" she screams.

She has anger issues too... but I can deal with that.

By now, the zombie is about a house length away. Well, it's us or them. I raise my gun dramatically with one hand put my finger on the trigger. I look back at Kendra one more time before I decide to pull it. The zombie falls dead only five feet away from us.

"Oh my God," she says in shock. "That thing is so disgusting!"

I chuckle trying to cover up my thoughts and look to the side awkwardly.

I really need to eat something. Like, now.

I look back at Kendra and her neck looks like it's glowing. The sun must be hitting it so perfectly... No. She's out of the picture. Not her. Anyone but her.

"Do you know if there are any other people around here?" I ask her.

She gives me a weird look and replies, "No."

"I, uh... I really need to find another human," I say.

"Why? It could just be you and me," she says. "You know?"

I laugh again and say, "I really need to find another human. It's a life or death situation."

"But you won't die if you don't find someone else," she bickers.

"No," I laugh. "See, in this case, your life is on the line."