Black Whisper

Xiao

Xiao P.O.V

I watched Minjun limp through the living room with wary eyes. It had been two years since his accident. A lot had changed about him since then. He wasn't the same kid from back then. He rarely smiled. He never told his goofy jokes anymore. He would be happy for Whispers but the moment we stepped back into the dorm, his smile would disappear and he would allow himself to hurt again. His ankle had never healed properly, causing many struggles. He had good days when the pain would barely be a throb but it was clear as I watched him walk that he was having a bad pain day. He never took meds when we were at home. He only took them when he had to perform or when we had practice. Because of that injury, we focused much more on vocals than originally planned He didn't like that but it was the condition that he continued in our group. It was a big problem really, we had the vocals to be a primarily vocal group but he hated himself. He blamed himself for all of the problems we'd gone through since our debut. He had so much anger in his heart and it broke me. It broke us all. He no longer liked us touching him and he hated the pet names now. We weren't allowed to call him anything but his name. The only time he allowed us to touch him was when we giving fan service. Other than that, he was completely cold. I understood to an extent why he'd become the way he was but Zane and Yuki didn't. They blamed his change of behavior on themselves. They didn't understand. I mean, I didn't either but I'd always been able to read him. I knew it ran deeper than his injury. There was something else in his head. I tensed when I felt him above me.

"Hyung." I hated that. I hated that he didn't call me Gege anymore. God I hated more than I would ever be able to admit out loud. "Why were you staring at me?" I looked up at his dull green eyes. They used to be so bright. Now there was barely anything there.

"Sorry. I was staring into space." His frown deepened.

"Are you okay?" I raised a brow as he shifted his weight to his better ankle.

"Are you?" He looked away, unable to meet my eyes.

"I'm hurting, if that's what you mean." I reached out my hand hesitantly. I wrapped my hand around his tiny wrist. Minjun wasn't a big guy and he never would be. That was one I the things I loved about him. I gave him a chance to pull away but he didn't. He only tensed. I smiled and pulled him down beside me. He gave me a questioning look when I pulled his legs onto my lap but he didn't say anything. He only leaned into the couch arm and got comfortable. I enjoyed these rare moments when he let me do this. Unfortunately, it was usually only the days when he could barely walk. I pressed my hand to his injured ankle and massaged it lightly. A tiny whimper slipped out of his mouth. His face changed and it looked like he was chastising himself. I only smiled at him. I swore I saw his eyes brighten but it was only for a split second.

"Qi- Junie." He raised a brow at my slip up. I'd never told him what it meant. I know he didn't see me that way but it would never change how I saw him. He would always hold a piece of me that no one else had access to. I just wish I had the guts to tell him. It would change everything though. Not only because I felt that way toward him but also because I felt that way toward Kat and Zane too. It took me a long time to accept it but when I finally did, it was too late and I was left with the constant ache in my heart that craved him. That craved all of them. There were times when I hated myself for it. I knew it wasn't right but to me, it would never be wrong. They were all I could ever need and my sweet Minjun was in the center of it all. He cleared his throat, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Was there something you wanted to say, Hyung?"

"I wish you would lean on me more sometimes. I'm not just your leader or-" I hated the word as it came out but I said it anyway "brother. I'm your friend and once upon a time ago, I was your person." I looked up at him to see his reaction. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. It had been a long time since I'd seen him smile at me like that. It wasn't his usual fake smile. It was a real one. My heart fluttered at the thought.

"Hyung, you worry too much." I sighed.

"I only worry because I..." I paused but I wasn't sure why. It wasn't a lie. "Because I care about you," I said, instead of the words I wanted to.

"Well, whose fault is that?" I stopped massaging his ankle and looked up at him. My breath hitched. He was really smiling this time. It was a bright toothy grin. It was the first time I saw him smiling since his accident. I'd forgotten that he lost his braces.

"Yours. It's your fault." I thought his smile would disappear but I was wrong. It grew bigger. I froze completely when he began to laugh. I took in every bit of it and seared it into my memory.

"Well, if not me, who else will make you worry, Gege?" Against my better judgment, I pulled him into my lap. I was careful not to hit his ankle. His eyes went wide. I pressed my forehead to his and took a deep breath.

"Say it again," I whispered.

"Gege." His arms wrapped around my neck and his legs snaked around my waist. "Gege." He said again, his voice so quiet I almost didn't catch it. I hadn't had him this close to me in a long time. His scent wrapped around me and I felt as if I could suffocate from it. He smelled like strawberries and cigarettes. I sighed internally. I'd tried to break him from his smoking habit but I never succeeded. At that moment, it was a scent I welcomed to envelop me.

"Qin ài de." I felt him shiver. "What happened? Why are you like this?" He sighed.

"I miss you." I raised a brow.

"I'm right here." He shook his head.

"No. For two years, I've been cold. I pushed you away. I thought it would help with my... problems but it didn't. It only made them worse. So much worse. I'm sorry for being the coward that I am."

"You're not a coward." He smiled sadly.

"I am. I'm such a coward." I slide my hands to his cheeks.

"How are you a coward?" A tear slid down his cheek and onto my hand.

"Because I did nothing but run from you." I sighed.

"Then we're both cowards."

"How?" I smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Because I didn't stop you. Because I didn't hold on for dear life like-" Before I finished what I said, everything went dark. I flew up a second later. I looked around and saw that I was in my bed. I felt the tears on my face and wiped them away. I glimpsed across the room and saw that Minjun was in his bed sound asleep. My heart sank. It was a dream. It had all been a dream and nothing had changed. I slipped out of my bed and walked over to Minjuns. His eyes opened when he felt me sit on his bed. He frowned in the dark.

"Gege, what's wrong?" He sat up when I stayed silent. "What's wrong?" He asked again.

"I had a bad dream." His frown deepened.

"You really need to take a break. You're getting stress nightmares now. What happened in your dream?" I sighed knowing that he would see right through me If I lied.

"Your ankle never fully healed and you hated me." He huffed and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning into me.

"My ankle is fine and I could never hate you. I mean, you're my leader so naturally you get on my nerves sometimes but I could never hate you. You're my person and that will never change. Seriously, we need a break." He whispered the last sentence. I smiled.

"You promise, you'll never hate me?" He smiled.

"I promise, Gege." He laid back down and patted the space beside him. I nodded in understanding and slid down beside him. He lifted his head so that I could slide my arm under his neck. I wrapped my other arm around his waist and pulled him closer to me. He sighed in contentment and snuggled into my chest before wrapping his arms around my neck. When he was done getting comfortable, half of him laid on top of me. I didn't mind. The dream hadn't been completely wrong. I was completely in love with my three members and Minjun was at the center of it all. Whether I'd ever actually tell them that, I wasn't sure but I was completely sure how I felt and that was the most terrifying thought in my head. It only took him a few moments for him to fall back asleep in my arms. I was right behind him and I hadn't had the dream again.

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Well, that's it for this chapter. I know Minjun is the main character but I wanted to introduce the others and their feelings. This is gonna be a long ride folks. Hehe. Bye, lovelies.

-Thea