Leave the World Behind (Kaya/Suna)

Part 1

It was a week since Seyran had made her confession on TV and Suna was still reeling with the aftermath. At least she didn't have to put up with the pointed insults tonight from Pelin, Suna thought, as she shut the door behind her. Immediately she noticed Kaya in the room, dressed in sleeping clothes, but she ignored and walked past him. He was standing next to the bed, agitated, trying not to glare at her but failing miserably.

"Where were you?" he asked quietly. "You missed dinner."

She sat down on the bed and started unlacing her boots.

His voice grew more insistent. "I asked you a question."

"I was out."

"No shit, Suna. I'm asking where you were. You didn't respond to any of my texts."

"Why do you care? I thought you'd be happy I wasn't there."

"Do I look happy?" he snapped. His temper was rising but she noted his efforts to control it. When he spoke again, his voice was deliberately calm. "Everyone was asking about you."

She scoffed. "Oh, please. I'm sure you and your family were too enamored with Pelin to notice my absence."

"You're being ridiculous, you know that?"

She stood up, approaching him. All the anger and hurt from the past few days swirled inside of her, ready to explode. "That's who I am, Kaya! Unsophisticated, uncultured, a ridiculous woman who only knows how to fight and nothing else. That's who you married!"

"Why are you screaming at me like this?"

Every morning she woke up with the dreaded fear this would be her last day in the house. For a myriad of reasons - maybe Pelin wormed her way into Halis's head, or Seyran's confession on TV, or Nukhet convincing Kaya to end their marriage – but the end result was always Suna out on the streets. And it's not like she could go back to her family. She might as well kill herself first, it would be less painful than the beatings her father would unleash upon her.

"Have I ever said those things to you?" Kaya demanded.

"You don't have to say anything. Your feelings are clearly written on your face," she bit out.

When she tried to move past him he blocked her path. "Oh, you're an expert on my face now? How's that possible when you don't even see me?" The thin veil of control he had was quickly dissipating if his clenched jaw was any indication. "You don't talk to me, you don't look at me-"

"Go see Pelin if you need more attention, you're always on her side anyway-"

"The only thing you seem to want is my touch when I'm fucking you in our bed every night-"

"Fine! I'll stop that too. You don't have to touch me anymore!"

The deep pit of despair inside her suddenly threatened to explode, she couldn't breathe, it was like her heart was ready to burst.

"Nothing I do is good enough for you, Suna. Why is that?"

Panic overwhelmed her, she desperately needed air. She moved to rush out of the room but Kaya wouldn't let her leave, invading her space, overwhelming her with his eyes, his words, his accusatory tone –

"You're either yelling at me or ignoring me. You keep pushing me away-"

"I can't..." She started to hyperventilate, the world spinning around her. Oh god. "Breathe... I can't..." Her knees gave way suddenly, she fell to the ground.

"Suna!" He was there to catch her when she tried to crawl out of his arms. "Breathe, sweetheart, you need to breathe."

Her insides ached with so much pain, she wanted to scream, to sob, to drown out the whole world with her anguish. Everything felt too close, too hot. She pulled at her knit sweater, trying to take it off. The fabric was burning her skin, she was dying.