Faith In The Wild •BOOK I•

|1| Heartbeat

Thump... Thump.. Thump.

My heart beat indifferently against my palm, yet it was a stark contrast to the way my mind fumbled with cascading thoughts of the past; my fingers trembled with the desire of something I no longer had.

"I can feel your heart beat. Isn't that so cool?" My voice echoed softly in the swift breeze of memories, flowing past like the autumn leaves of last fall.

--"Woah.. yeah, that is cool!"--

You were so precious, I thought.

--"Can I feel yours?"--

"Mhm. You wanna know something even cooler? Feel right here." I took your fingers and placed them on my wrist, allowing you to feel the pulse beneath my skin.

--"You have a heart in your.. wrist?"-- You joked, earning a loud laugh from me.

"Noo, silly. It's my pulse. Your heart beats and circulates blood through your whole body, using your veins. " I explained tediously, giving a playful roll of my chocolate eyes.

You were fascinated by this, despite having already known.
However, it'd be quite the lie if I said I hadn't ignored something I knew before, too.
..Like the way my heart sped up when I looked into your gentle blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight, or the way my cheeks dusted with a familiar pink everytime I saw your genuine smile--
I had to ignore it. I didn't have any other choice... I mean, we were in middle school and your dad just got shot.
You were trying so hard to keep up the happy facade, but the soft downturn of your lips betrayed the very words that left them.
It just.. wasn't the right time. You had too much on your plate, and... you need me to be your friend, not anything else.

--"You're right, that is cooler than a heart beat. Where'd you learn all this, Bells?"-- You asked as you arched a faux curious brow.

This is so perfect-- you're so perfect... Just sitting here, looking up at me with those big blue eyes as if I had admitted an unknown truth.
I loved the way you made every mundane thing, glisten with an otherworldly glow; the way you brought the darkest rooms, light; the way you--

--"Bella?"-- My endless chatter in my head came to an abrupt pause at your voice; my line of thought shattering as I snapped back into reality.

"Hm?" I asked, my eyes flicking back up to yours.

--"You okay? What happened? You kinda just.. went blank."--

"Oh.. um, yeah... yeah. I'm okay, sorry." I said, embarrassment bleeding through my casual bravado.

"I think your mom's here, though.. so you better get going. I'll see you tomorrow, Carl." I offered you a soft smile as I waved goodbye-- but little did I know, that was the last time I'd see you, probably.. ever.

The cool air caused me to shiver, snapping me out of my thoughts as a warm tear ran down my cheek.
I clutched the covers to my chest, pleading with the fabric to hide me from this awful feeling inside; feeling as though the pain had nearly succumbed me entirely.

My heart didn't beat the same as it did that day. I didn't think it ever would.

I glanced out my window, looking at the moon and praying that somewhere out there... maybe you were too.

It had been four years since the beginning of the end of the world, and I still couldn't believe it.

This is really what the world is now? I asked myself repeatedly.

Yet somehow, I kept my faith, through all of it. It was all I had to cling to-- all I had left of who I used to be.. who I wanted to be.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I sat up in bed, pushing the blankets to my feet and clasping my hands together against my forehead.