Faith In The Wild •CARL GRIMES•

On Edge

I started running towards whatever source of shelter I had found, but with the rain and hair in my face, I couldn't see where I was going, all I knew was that nothing was going to stop me from getting there. A lot of things were going to try, but I kept repeating this same verse in my head:

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day.

Caught up in my thoughts, I tripped over some branches and I threw my hands out in front of me as an attempt to catch myself, but failing terribly, all of my body weight came crashing down on top of my arms and mud dove deep beneath my fingernails.
The air was thrust out of my lungs and I began anxiously coughing.

My knee was stinging pretty badly, making me look down at it. I just assumed I scraped it on the way down, along with most likely fracturing my hand.

I grunted while trying to get up, and almost made it to my knees before a biter, in the pile of branches I tripped on, took a firm grip on my foot.

I twisted from being on my side to my back very quickly and tried getting the upper hand of things.

"GET OFF ME!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my throat felt raw as I could feel my voice shattering within my vocal cords.
I kicked frantically until I felt my boot connect with it's jaw, and finally, I was free.

I weakly scrambled to my feet, this was not who I am. I'm not weak, not anymore. That's the absolute last thing I wanted to be.

I hated feeling like I had no control over anything, it wasn't that I was aggravated for not getting my way, but it was as if I lived in the eye of death every time I turned around, and could do nothing about it.

I did my best to block out the defeating thoughts about how weak I felt, and tried forcing myself to focus on getting out of this rain before it wasn't just rain.

Just push through, only a few more steps and you can rest..

I told myself, eagerly limping towards the barn.

My mud-covered hands traced along the wood of the barn door, looking for a way to get the it open.

"C'mon.. c'mon.." I mumbled under my breath.

I pressed myself up against the door and pushed as hard as I physically could, and nothing.

It's stuck, of course it is.

"Oh, come on!" I shouted, slamming my palms against the drenched wood.

"Hello?! Please, help me.. Somebody! Anybody. If you're in there, just open the door!" I cried, though I know no one would answer. No one was here, remember? Just me and the trees.
Oh, and emotionless, flesh eating monsters.

I continued to bang my fists and shake the door, still it never budged.

After many failed attempts, I stopped hitting the door.

"Please, just open.." I said quietly as I began to cry in defeat.

The stress was getting to me more and more by the second, the rain was plundering everything around me and all I had for shelter.. was what little roof hung over the edge of the barn?

I pulled my hair tie loose and ran my hands through my wet hair, I was running out of time.

All I could hear was Carl's voice running laps around my mind, it was like he was haunting me, trying to rub it in that he's gone.

--"Don't stress it, Bells. You'll get through it just fine just like every other test. It's not the end of the world."--

"This time, it is the end of the world. What now, huh? You promised you would be here when I needed you the most, you promised! But where are you? Gone. I need you, and you aren't here! How could you just up and leave me here to deal with this by myself?!" I screamed as tears flooded over the brim of my distressed eyes.

My back hit the barn door and I stood there, trying to not let my hurt turn into anger. My eyes darted from tree to tree, then to my feet that stood covered in mud.

My eyes trailed up the barn doors framing and then they landed the outline of some kind of handle. My sad eyes turned to a look of hope and I instantly reached for it, my bandaged hand wrapping around the latch as I pulled to my left. My boots dug into the mud, and before I knew it, the barn door stood wide open.

I laughed in surprise, "A handle! Why didn't I think of that?" I said, a smile plastered on my lips.

I stepped inside and shut the door, latching it from the harsh and bitter winds. The barn looked to be... empty? I didn't care, honestly. I was so tired of being in the rain.

The whole barn was very dimly lit and it was hard to tell if it was clear or not, and I was scared because I hated killing. Even if it was a walker and is already dead, killing made me uneasy. So if there were walkers, I couldn't really defend myself if I had to.

I crouched down, taking off my backpack as I ruffled through my, now, wet belongings. Mostly everything of mine was soaked due to the rain, yet for some reason I didn't see my Bible.

Where's my Bible? I thought.

Please say I didn't leave it in Woodbury..

After taking everything out of my backpack, I found my Bible at the very bottom, but somehow... It was completely dry except a few drops of water on the cover.
I had a smile from ear to ear, I loved that despite my physical and mental storms, His goodness always prevails in every aspect.

In the middle of looking for my Bible, I found my flash light which is what I was looking for in the first place. Putting everything back in my bag, I slung the water out of my flash light, smacked it a few times, then it flickered on.

It was an old trick I learned from this new woman I met in Woodbury, her name was Andrea and we were kind of getting along, before I found out she was just like everyone else. She bought into all of the terrible things they did to people, and I think we all knew she agreed with whatever the governor said because they were doing more than just talking.

And it was disgusting how she could be with someone who treats women how the governor does.

I looked everywhere, there was only one walker and she was in the back, she didn't look to be any risk to me because she was stuck under something. So I just shut the door to the room she was in, and left her there.

It seemed insensitive to let her suffer, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't take whatever life she had left. Besides, what did she do to me? Exactly. Nothing.

I cleared off a dry spot in the corner and set my backpack there, I was exhausted. My head rested against the wooden wall behind me, I knew I wasn't done working yet, no matter how much I wished I was.

I felt as if I had been hit by a truck. Every inch of my body
felt so sore and I had a splitting headache, but I just had to push through.

Why?

Because.

Not for me, not for fun and games, no.

For God.... And for him.

For Carl.