fools gold

prologue

Fools gold was real, obviously everyone knew that.
But, it's more real within people than many think, it's shiny and pretty, and blinds whoever looks having them believing everything is nice, and utterly perfect.

Just like fools gold it tricks those who don't take notice, the ones who don't put in the effort to look past the bling and how real it looks.

And most importantly it looked real, and it was so much easier to settle for something that looked real to others rather than what felt real for yourself.

Why or how, I couldn't ever tell you how I got into this situation, I couldn't even tell you how I felt about the man I was forced to marry.
It was out of my control, there was nothing I could have done.
I felt hopeless, I still do. In Some weird way.
Even while I lay next to the man I call my husband, his soft breathing and occasional snore.
I couldn't tell you how much I loved him, because truly I don't know what I feel.

The only thing I know for sure is my life feels like fools gold.
Looks perfect, and if you don't go digging it is perfect, my husband is amazing, kind and caring, he loves me.
Or at least I think he does.
People see it as perfect, they don't see the shouting and the late nights, they don't see the bottles, they don't feel the uncertainty when they look at him each night.

And yet, many warned me to not go digging for something that wasn't there, that didn't exist.

But I dug, I dug and I dug even though I knew it was foolish, I knew what I would find and it wouldn't be the shiny look, of the foolish game I've been thrown into.
Wouldn't be the 'perfect' relationship I've been in for years.
It would shatter everything.
Because even fools gold is easy to look past.

Something that looks right, almost never feels right.
Something that's wrong always scratches and breaks much easier than what's correct.
Just like the difference between gold and fools gold.