My First Love's Name Was Macey

Chapter 3- Suicide Prevention

While sitting in the back of the store, the manager sits across from Johnny as he looks down, waiting for the other like to pick up the phone.

"I'm sorry," Johnny says shamefully.

"It's okay," the manager says. "That you stole, I mean. Not that you were planning to..."

He appreciates that she doesn't finish the sentence.

Finally, someone answers, and the manager motions for Johnny to pick up the phone.

"You can sit in the bathroom or outside if you want privacy," the manager offers. Johnny goes outside as he begins the call.

The operator is named Hailey Yates, he finds, as she begins her introduction. He gives his first name.

"Hi there, Johnny. Are you currently safe?" She asks.

"Y-Yeah," he says, scanning the area to make sure no one is around.

"Okay, that's good. I'm glad you called. Can you let me know the events that led up to your decision? Any negative emotions?"

"I, um..." he says, looking down. "It's not a new thing. I've... tried before. Nothing is... like, worth living for... to me."

"I'm sorry, Johnny," she says. "You've attempted suicide before?"

"Yeah," he says. "Three times."

"Oh, my," she says. "Well, how come? Have you seen psychiatrist? You may have depression."

"I do," he says. "And anxiety and PTSD."

"Those are very tough to cope with," she says. "Are you on any medication for them?"

"I don't have money for medication," he says, wiping his eyes as tears begin to form. "Especially now."

"Why especially now?"

He laughs. "Well... I am eighteen, I have no family to help me, and I just got out of a mental hospital, which has a bill of $3,500."

"I see," she says. "That is a tough situation to be in. Do you have any friends or family you could discuss your problems with?"

"No," he says sadly, tears falling even faster when he realizes it's true.

"Oh, sweetheart," she says with a sigh. "Well, getting a job can be a good start, and getting on health insurance. That'll narrow down the money you'd have to pay for medication."

He sighs. "I... don't want to get a job," he says. "I just don't want to be here anymore."

He spends an hour listening to Hailey try her best to find reasons and ways for him to live, but none of them are good enough for him.

She doesn't want to hang up because he is clearly not convinced by her reasons to stay alive, while refusing to open up to her. He assured her he won't kill himself any time soon, which isn't a lie (not while there are people trying to help him, he wouldn't want to upset them) and that he'd call again if he has more thoughts of suicide, which is a lie.

He sits outside for a minute while looking at the sun. It's really hot outside. He debates leaving the phone on the concrete when a worker walks out and walks over to him. "Hey there, kid," the manager says, sitting down near him.

"Hi," he whispers, not caring if the manager heard him or not.

"Do you have somewhere I could bring you?" She asks. "Your house? Parents house?"

He shakes his head and wipes his eye. "No," he admits. "I'll just... walk somewhere, I guess."

"You don't have a home?" She questions, not believing him.