Do you ever feel like you're trapped?
Not literally trapped, but trapped in your life. If you really think about it, it's not so easy to change your life. You can't just become a new person. If only it were that simple. It's not like it is in the movies. These great life-changing things don't just happen and it's awesome and great. Life is boring. At least mine is anyway. I spend my time watching movies lately. Romantic comedies to be more specific. It's always the same. Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Boy and girl have problems. Boy and girl end up happily ever after. Or they don't and someone dies. But still. Even though it's a movie and you watch it knowing none of this will actually happen to you; you still hope. As a girl we want a guy to romance our ass off. Does that ever actually happen? Well not to me at least. I have this boyfriend, yeah, but he's not a romantic. No matter how much I want him to be I know he won't. But it's not like I could just end our three year relationship for that reason in the hopes there's some great guy out there for me who will actually romance my ass off. That's just in movies. Or in very lucky people's lives. I got trapped in this average, boring life. Nothing exciting ever really happens to me. I wish it would. I know life can't be exciting 24/7, and if it was well then it really wouldn't being exciting at all. I like staying in bed some days and just watching movies, listening to music, but then I just have this urge to do something spontaneous and adventurous, but that never happens. I guess I never really help to make it happen, but that's only because there's no one to make it happen with. I have my best friend, who I don't see too often, and I have my boyfriend who isn't the romantic-spontaneous type.
I know it sounds like I'm complaining and I know awesome stuff like that really only happens in movies and I shouldn't live my life wishing it was a romantic comedy. But I can't help it. I really hate being a girl sometimes with my stupid girl brain that just wants this great exciting romance. I mean I can't be the only one though. And I know there are bigger problems in life, but it sucks knowing that one of the things you want most in life, you'll most likely never get. A romance may be mine, and that might sound stupid to some, but I'm not judging anybody else for something they really want.
I started writing this because I was just laying in bed trying to go to sleep: not able to because of that large iced coffee I just had. I just couldn't stop thinking. Don't you hate that? I was thinking about the past. About high school. I mean high school wasn't great, but I had friends. School was fun sometimes. I talked to people. I went out. I miss it. I miss having people. I guess I did it to myself. Maybe it is my fault I don't really have people anymore.
This is was happens when it's 12:30 in morning and you just had coffee.
But it sure does feel good to write out your feelings. Who knew.
