One Shot in Life

Another one, gone

*Alright, goodbye. Guess it was lucky for me to find out who you really are this early.*

Josh started at the sentence, watching as it disappeared. The profile named "Reevus" turned blank and displayed the words: "last seen a long time ago"

He was blocked by the one person who meant everything to him.

How does it always happen to him? Why did he trust in love when it has failed him time and time again. Despite not having sleep for the past few days, his mind actively tries to put these pieces together.

Yet, the answer was clear to him. The same conclusion he at every time.

"I was meant to be alone, I wasn't meant to find love or be with someone. I was not made to be understood." He whispered under his breath, in the middle of the night.

But he knew that wasn't true either. He has friends. But even his best friend knew nothing about his relation to Reevus, the man who held his heart and shattered it 2 weeks before their first year anniversary.

Reevus was not a man with no flaw. In fact, he has many flaws. He likes to bet, he use drugs, quick tempered, just to name a few. But he wasn't a bad person. When he wins, he gives money to the important people around him. He takes drug but doesn't abuse them, and he doesn't buy if he can't afford it. He is quick tempered but always apologise when he is in the wrong.

Except. This probably isn't the case. Josh had hoped that Reevus would come back and say he is sorry, they would talk and make up, and all would be great.

But Josh knew it was wishful thinking. The way he had responded to Reevus's message, his attitude,and being mentally drained by the situation at home. He didn't think about what he wrote or how it might be perceived. His mind couldn't care less when Reevus sent messages after messages, accusing him of being uncaring, a fake, "just like my mum and my ex". Josh knew that he probably had triggered Reevus' flight or fight response. He did not try to calm the situation down. To be more exact, he tried to at first. He explained why he couldn't meet, how his family had left him to deal with the house situation alone, and even apologise. But Reevus was having none of it. Reevus had gone through many challenging times, enough to make any man go crazy.

Josh knew that. He knew that when he said "I guess I will just die then", Reevus would probably never talked to him again. And yet that is what he did. His mind has already shut down on him. Everything else that he said was just sentences his mind puts together. His heart, agonised by the fact that this is happening, stay silent and quietly retreated. It was in shock that despite all its effort to stay truthful and communicate clearly, it was yet misunderstood again. Everything felt numb.

Josh stared into his room, watching the eight legged invaders cover every inch of his bedroom with threads. This species of invaders were small, unassuming, and hard to see. Yet in 3 days, it has completely invaded his personal space. If you take a picture,  they wouldn't show up with their small size, and their web was translucent.

Indeed, such a case was not only hard to belive, even providing evidence was a difficult thing to do. Josh knew he had nothing to convince his lover because not even his own family was convinced. He had thought, after putting his faith in Reevus throughout the year, never once doubting that he wouldn't abuse the drugs or becoming a gambling addict, Reevus would do the same and trust in his words at least for once. But we know that didn't happen.

Those things that took over his bedroom even took away his lover and the family's trust. He was tempted to step inside and let them take him, or simply leave the door open to let them have the house as well. If it got onto the whole building, maybe everyone might understand?

But he cared too much to simply let the invaders do what they want just so he can prove a point. Josh stood his ground and sprayed the last of his insecticide, knowing that it will do nothing, before shutting the door and sealing his room. He recalled just how many times he wanted to run and go to his lover for a hug and maybe a place to stay away from the invaders. Josh didn't hate insect and spiders and all their kinds. He fears them. Yet, he chose not to cry and run to his lover because Reevus was still in the closet. Knowing that his family would do nothing about the invasion in his room. He battled day and night, accidentally falling asleep on one afternoon and witnessed how fast they could occupy his room. He had no choice but to postpone the rare chance he gets to hang out with his lover in order to battle the invaders. Only to have lost both his room and his lover.

Maybe he wasn't honest enough. Maybe he didn't talk enough. Maybe he didn't try enough. Josh thought to himself and he scrolled mindlessly through his phone. He didn't cry, he was too tired to cry. Tears had mever formed the day he lost his grandma. He couldn't understand. Nor did he try to anymore. His effort meant nothing, the more he tried, the more it backfired.

Unknowingly, his finger stopped at a contact. He never planned to use it. It was there in case Reevus lost his phone. He know it was a bad idea. He shouldn't be doing it. Yet the one word said by his lover and dad gave him all he needed.

"If you are going to be disappointed I'm my truth, then I will give you something to be disappointed about."

He messaged the contact with no second thought. In an hour, he had everything he needed and an empty wallet.

He looked at it. He was prepared. There was no turning back. He will be what they thought he was. He will turn they lie they believe in, into the truth.

That night, with a pained smile, he took in a breath of substance. Breaking the promise he had kept to his now ex-lover and and becoming what they thought he was: a disappointment.