BRIEF IS MY LOVE

PROLOGUE

The dark slowly trickles down my throat; it clings to my airways and sweetly steals the oxygen from my lungs. The shattering of glass is deafening in the silence that surrounds me. I crouch in the corner and cover my ears as police sirens wail. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, urging my body to get up and run, but fear holds me hostage. Its long bony fingers wrap around my body, its sickly voice is whispering in my ear, making me shiver. A droplet of sweat runs down my face from my temple and drips onto the cold cement down below. My breathing has reached a painful staccato, and I can't seem to get it under control.

Don't go. Don't go and check. Stay with me, right here. Don't leave me alone! Please don't leave me alone!

Behind the lids of my eyes, I watch my whole world crumble beneath my feet, and I am powerless to stop it or any of the events leading. Even after my world ceases to exist, I am left in the cold emptiness of the universe. Alone.

There is nothing beautiful about the end when you're left to watch it alone.

I am practically cursed to relive the worst moment of my entire life. The slow, agonizing burn just before the blood bubbles up to the surface and splatters onto the ground below. Memories cut through every part of me, reopening every scar that was left behind on my broken heart, and they hurt, oh god, they hurt so much. The pain is unbearable, but I have to sit there and let it take over every single inch of myself. A cry that mimics laughter rings through my ears as I wish I could go numb already.

But before the uncontrollable panic can set in, a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me close. Then I hear, "Shh... It's okay."

Kian cradles me softly, and I grip his jacket tightly as if my life depends on it or, rather, his. I can't let him go, not this time. I look up into his golden-brown eyes. He smiles softly down at me. Oh, how I miss it when he looks at me like that. I close my eyes and hold onto him tighter. He strokes my hair softly. His fingertips leave warm memories and soothe the pain that I feel. I wish I could stay here in his arms forever.

"Beau, you're okay. None of this is real." Kian whispers in my ear.

My eyes flutter open, but Kian is gone. Instead, my brother Kayce is kneeling in front of me, holding my forearms gently. I just sat there staring at the space in front of me with my arms outstretched, gripping the air where Kian once was. I immediately start sobbing at the thought, and Kayce pulls me closer.

"I'm losing my mind." I finally manage to say after I've calmed down.

"You're not losing your mind," Kayce reassures me.

"I saw him again, Kace. Right in front of me, just inches away, but he wasn't actually there."

Kayce sighs and grabs a lock of my hair, twirling it with his fingers. He looks at me with sad eyes.

I sigh. I know that look. He gives me that look every time. "You wouldn't understand."

"Look, I know that you miss Kian. I think you're just so heartbroken that you keep imagining him still being here, alive. You're not crazy, just hurting."

I smile weakly at Kayce, but it quickly fades. "If I had just,"

"Stop." Kayce grabs both my hands, shaking them gently, and looks at me with stern eyes. "Don't you dare finish that sentence. His death was not your fault, and there was nothing you could have possibly done. Please stop blaming yourself."

Tears well up in my eyes, and before I know it, they're burning a path down my cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"It breaks my heart to see you like this. I want to see you smile again, Beau. I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss that light in your eyes whenever you thought about fighting, that light of excitement and determination. I miss my bumblebee."

I haven't been able to smile in months. My heart is so heavy that even if I wanted to smile, my lips wouldn't move to form one. The weight is dragging them down.

"I know," I silently whisper as I look down at my hands. "I know. It's just really hard."

I can hear him sigh. "I'm sorry. I know that it's hard. I don't mean to sound selfish or unloving; I miss you, that's all."

"How do you do it? How can you act like everything is fine?" My voice breaks. "Because I'm just so far from being fine, it just doesn't make any sense to me.

"I loved him, Kayce," I sob. "I really loved him."

"I know."

_HBBW_