Liar's Desire ✔️

25| Selfishness

Tristan's POV

Everyone feels regret at some point in their lifetime. Whether that regret is small or something that haunts them for the rest of their life, I think everyone would agree that regret is an awful feeling. 

I felt regret every single day. My friends told me it would all be okay, that I would forget about bullying Carlos and who I used to be but I don't think that's something I can just forget. 

Carlos and I had grown closer to each other, hanging out every few weeks and talking to each other, it felt nice but horrible at the same time. 

I couldn't help but think, "He obviously doesn't forgive me so he's just faking being nice to me," even though he seemed pretty genuine. 

"Valentines day is coming up soon," my mother said as she reached her chopsticks across the table for another piece of gimbap, "Do you have a girlfriend yet?" 

"Umma!" I exclaimed, "I'm trying to focus on my studies." 

"Your teacher emailed me," she said, "You might be kicked out of math honors if your grade doesn't go up." 

My plate was untouched, not a single piece of food had been placed on it. I remembered Carlos giving me a piece of bread. I've had bread before but it tasted different in that moment, it tasted better than it ever had before. 

I took a piece of gimbap with my chopsticks and chewed slowly. It tasted good, really good. I ate another, and another, and another. Did food always taste that good? 

After I was done, I had a bitter taste in my mouth. I didn't deserve to eat things that tasted good, I deserved to eat dirt. 

I looked up from my empty plate and saw my mother smiling, "I think that's the most I've seen you eat since the last couple of months." 

I liked seeing my mother happy. I felt selfish. Here I was wasting away when she only wanted the best for me. 

If I didn't feel like trash before, I definitely felt like trash now.