Why Not Me [EXTENDED VERSION]

Kabanata 10

Time stood still as my dream of a magical debut was ruined before my eyes. What was meant to be the most unforgettable night of my life turned into something I would give anything to forget. In just a blink, my birthday went from everything I hoped for to the kind of heartbreak I never saw coming, one I would always remember for all the wrong reasons.

Noong sinabi ko na baka pupuwedeng i-cancel na lang ‘yong debut ko dahil hindi ko yata kakayaning makitang nagsasayaw sina Vini at Kisses, at baka magdalamhati lang ako sa mismong araw ng birthday ko ay nagkatotoo nga ang lahat ng ito.

Because what they had done to me was way worse.

This was more than a heartbreak.

The pain in my heart was excruciating, blinding, suffocating.

Napabitiw si Kisses at biglang naitulak si Vini papalayo sa kaniya noong makita niya ako.

“Dal,” she called nervously. Meanwhile, when I glanced at Vini, he could not look at me in the eyes.

Why?

Why did he have to hurt me on my birthday?

The impulse to flee overwhelmed me, but doing so would be cowardly. Instead, I faked a smile at them and even walked inside.

What were you doing, Dal? You should be walking away! Subjecting yourself to pain, opening your heart to more heartbreak was not the way!

But this misery had to end.

Now.

“Dal, Vini did not kiss me,” Kisses tried to explain.

Was it?

Really?

“Believe me, Dal. There was no kiss—”

Kisses was put to a stop when I shook my head. “You don’t have to explain.”

“Dal—”

Muli siyang natigilan nang magsalita ako.

“Can I ask you something? Birthday gift mo na sana sa akin,” imbes ay sabi ko kung saan nagsimula naman siyang umiyak. Once again, I hated myself for making her cry.

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts before speaking.

“About the pool incident, can you grant me your forgiveness?” I said, as this would be her best gift to me, forgiving what I had done to her.

“Dal,” she cried harder.

“Believe me, I really regret pushing you into that pool and saying awful things. I want you to know that it was never my intention to cause you pain, and I regret that thoughtless action every day since then. If I could only turn back time, I would undo it. I am your best friend, and I promised myself when we were still young, especially during that time you were dealing with your parents’ divorce, that I would do my best to make you happy. I love you, Kisses. You are already my sister, and I hated seeing you hurting and crying,” I added, surprised that I was still able to speak despite the breaking of my heart and the quivering of my lips.