Why Not Me (why can't it be me?) [Vini & Dalilah]

Kabanata 10

Time stood still for me as my dreams of a magical debut shattered in an instant. The once-grand occasion transformed into a merciless stage for heartbreak, leaving me carrying the weight of the worst birthday I could have imagined.

Noong sinabi ko na baka puwedeng i-cancel na lang ‘yong debut ko dahil hindi ko kakayaning makitang nagsasayaw sina Vini at Kisses, at baka magdalamhati lang ako ay nagkatotoo nga ang sinabi ko.

Because what they had done to me was way worse.

This was more than a heartbreak.

The pain in my heart was excruciating.

Napabitiw si Kisses at biglang naitulak si Vini papalayo sa kaniya noong makita niya ako.

“Dal,” she called nervously, meanwhile, when I glanced at Vini, he could not look at me in the eyes.

Why?

Why did he have to hurt me on my birthday?

The impulse to flee overwhelmed me, but doing so would be cowardly. Instead, I faked a smile at them and went inside.

What were you doing, Dal? You should be walking away! Subjecting yourself to pain, opening your heart to more heartbreak was not the way!

But this misery had to end.

Now.

“Dal—”

Kisses came to a stop as I shook my head.

“Can I ask you something, Kisses? Ah, birthday gift mo na sa akin,” sabi ko kung saan nagsimula naman siyang umiyak. And once again, I hated making her cry.

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts before speaking.

“About the pool incident, ah, can you grant me your forgiveness?” I said, as this would be her best gift to me—her forgiving what I had done to her.

“Dal,” she cried harder.

“Believe me, I deeply regret pushing you into the pool and saying awful things. I want you to know that it was never my intention to cause you pain, and I regret that thoughtless action every day since then. If I could only turn back time, I would undo it. I am your best friend, Kisses, and I promised myself when we were still young, especially during that time you were dealing with your parents’ divorce, that I would do my best to make you happy. I love you. You are already my sister, and I hated seeing you hurt and cry,” I added, surprised that I was still able to speak despite the breaking of my heart and the quivering of my lips.

“Dal, I’m sorry that it turned out this way on your birthday,” matinding iyak niya at gustung-gusto ko siyang lapitan at yakapin pero natatakot akong mabasag din.

“No need for apologies. All these times, I have been the one living in illusions, in denial. Kahit na alam ko namang ikaw ‘yong gusto ni Vini sa umpisa pa lang, patuloy na kinukumbinsi ko pa rin ‘yong sarili ko na ako. Kisses, wala kang kasalanan at hindi mo kailangang mag-sorry sa akin dahil lang sa ikaw ‘yong gusto niya, okay?”