Wide Open (currently editing)

t h i r t y

I slip a forty five pound weight onto each side of the bar and center myself in front of it. I don't usually work out late at night, but I couldn't just go home to my empty house. My roommates won't be home until sometime tomorrow after they travel back from the game.

I didn't even bother watching it. I couldn't once I decided to go to the museum with Camryn. I didn't want to watch it once we got there. All I cared about was turning her mood around. Look at where that got me...

I brace my core and push up on the bar slightly with my back. I rep through the weight, squatting down and forcing my body back up ten times before reracking it and moving to add another plate to either side.

I almost texted Cal on my way here to tell him to shove his money up his ass. He can find someone else to deal with his sister, or better yet, he can do it himself. I had the message typed out and everything. And then my mom Facetimed me...

She knew I was pissy about the game. She wanted to distract me by telling me about Zoey's game last night and the six goals she scored. She set a new school record because of it, and Zoey wouldn't miss a chance to gloat.

I would have just sent the text to Callan if I hadn't seen her. But I can't deny the way she looks. Her cheeks have color in them and she doesn't look like she's lost weight. She looks good all things considered. The chemo isn't crushing her like last time.

So no matter how I feel about Camryn now, I can't stop taking Cal's money. Not when my mom's body seems to be adjusting to the medicine. Not when Zoey seemed excited that our mom might feel good enough to actually travel here to see me soon.

I set myself up again, repeating the same motion as before. I can feel the anger leave my body a little more with each rep. I try to remind myself that Camryn might be a pain in my ass, but there's something else going on there. Coach and Cal consider her something that needs to be handled for a reason. If the least I can do is be a punching bag a few times a week, so be it.

I readjust the weights and position of the bar. This time I settled beneath it, pushing it up and away from my chest on an inhale. Exhaling, I can't help but picture the look on her face tonight. Like she was disgusted by me. It was a look I've never seen from her, and not one I thought I would ever see. Not with all the progress we had been making.

I thought we might actually have been friends. Or at least friendly.

I may not know exactly what has happened between her and her family and it's not really any of my business. I shouldn't care, and I don't. The only thing I care about is keeping her brother's money.

Every single cent is going straight to my mom's treatment so it's worth it, whatever the consequences may be.

After another set, I reset the bar and sit up. Camryn texted me right when I got here, but I haven't looked at it yet. I considered just deleting it and moving on, but for some reason my thumb continues to hover over it.

It's a GIF of Chris Farley in "Tommy Boy" mouthing I Suck. It's probably the closest to an apology that Camryn has ever gotten. It's not lost on me that she chose to send something from one of my favorite movies. Like maybe everything I've told her hasn't gotten lost.

I should reply and tell her she sucks as a salesman too, like Tommy Boy. She almost had me sold on the idea that I could be her friend, but then she blew up on me. Regardless of what she thinks, I do think part of me just needed someone. I could have easily texted any girl on my phone like Camryn suggested, but I chose to go to her. After everything I've heard her dad and brother say about her, after everything she's shared with me, I thought maybe she needed someone too.

I don't know who I felt more sorry for, me for getting kicked off the bus to the game, or Camryn for not even being able to accept my company.

I begin to type a response to her message, but then erase it. I don't owe her anything. I'll let Cal know she's being herself and leave it at that. It's what I should have been doing all along.