Waiting To Bloom (BL)

Chapter 4

I slammed the bathroom door crying from embarrassment. I cant believe I allowed this to happen, I broke his arm, I took joy in his misery and pain. They are going to call the cops and I am going to go to jail. I wouldn't survive jail! I may be dirty and thin but I still look like a female. I don't want to be some kind of jail bitch with full blown AIDs. Then that if my uncle doesn't bail me out to beat my ass himself.

I looked at myself in the mirror and my face was covered in Ryan's blood. I began to shake uncontrollably and my mind started to race going back and forth. My body was no longer my own I was sharing it with a darkness that felt like it could consume me.

"He-He's going to kill me" I said unable to breath. I felt as if there was an elephant sitting on my chest. What was I going to do? I can never get away with something like that when everyone recorded me hurting him.

"Uncle is going to kill me" I forced out my throat. I felt as if I was choking, the world was slowly becoming dark and everything was shaking. I was unsteady and was losing touch with reality. Everything around me felt like it was being warped and swallowing me whole. I could still feel their eye staring at me. Their laughter rang in my ears making my head feel as it was was going to burst. I looked down at my hands that were also covered in blood and the world around me disappeared. I feel sick like I could hurl.

"Blood?.... Is this my blood? I don't remember bleeding or hurting myself, how could I be bleeding? Wait this is Ryan's blood on my hands. His pain and screams are my fault. I am better than him right now. There's no way I am better than him." I mumbled to myself as I turned on the sink and began scrubbing my hands in a panic. The blood would come off it was as if it was stained on my hands.

"Blood... Why won't it come off?" I said scratching even harder trying to get rid of the blood. Everyone here must be horrified of me now. I thought I was an outcast before, now I'm really going to be outcasted by the world. I could be expelled from school! Oh my god, I can't be. Uncle would make me pick up a 4th job and work me to death as if he doesn't already beat me daily for simple things. I wear my hair wrong, eat too loudly, exiting my room after 8pm, coming home after 6pm or before 10am, even wearing blue could get me a lashing. I believe just existing in his presence could end badly for me and here I am getting expelled, most likely sued, and thrown in jail. Uncle is going to trap me in that small deteriorating house for the rest of my life. I deserve it, I deserve to be tormented and punished for the trouble I have caused everyone.

"This isn't my blood! Why won't it come off?" I screamed scrubbing harder but the more I scrubbed the more blood appeared. It just wouldn't stop bleeding! I don't understand, I wasn't wounded yet I was bleeding heavily. There were no wounds so where was this blood coming from? It was if I was bleeding. Suddenly I could hear that god awful demon's voice in my head yelling and laughing at me.

"Look at you crying and panicking like a child" He said laughing. His laugh was sickening and giving me a headache. It echoed in my ear piercing through my eyes causing me to scream in pain.

"This voice again.... Please shut the fuck up..." I said as I began to slap myself in the face and punch my head trying to get him to shut up. But he just laughed harder like he was watching the funniest movie ever. Nothing felt real but it all caused me so much pain. It made no sense! What is happening to me?

"Why can't you be normal?!" I cried out feeling worthless. All I ever wanted was to live a normal life. I never asked for anything, I kept to myself and did my studies faithfully and yet here I am being tormented not only by my fellow classmates but now by the voices in my head. I was about to slap myself once again when I felt someone suddenly grab my arm and yank me to turn around. When I finally turned around and looked at the person it was Jun-Myeon. Why would he be here? Did he hear or see any of that? After everything that he witnessed, I had to go and fuck up again. He must think I am a lunatic.