The delusional diary of a girl

Night - Part 1

We are back. It's 12 now, we both are tired and exhausted. I take a deep breath and exhale. He is all confused and bothered. I tell him I'll leave. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll stay at my place in Santacruz; it's near by, like hardly 20 minutes. He looked at me, disappointed. I assumed he would be more comfortable if I left, especially after our moment (oh wow, we had a moment after several years, mannnnnnn). He asked me to stay and said, "Mujhe laga tu idhar hi rukegi, yehi plan tha na?" Then I responded, "I wasn't sure about it," looking at his face, where he was shocked instead of least bothered or uninterested like he usually is. I melted, and looking at him while he is sleeping is a fantasy of mine; I know I come off creepy. I love watching people I like sleep peacefully, eat their meals, dance like crazy, or talk basically being themselves. I adore all of it. Every aspect of their being is my happiness, especially when they are all out and in their comfort zone. Like, nothing embarrasses them at all. I adore such freedom to be. Anyway, back to the present, I nod and say, "Okay, I'll stay as long as you don't take this wrong," and he says, "Never, until you make a move." Then I give him an expression "like, Maybe you never know." We both smile, looking at each other, then he goes and changes into boxers and a t-shirt. He is large, or XL, so it's a bit oversize for him. As he slides the bath door and enters, he looks up, playing with his hair with his right hand, just like he did in his place in Bangalore when I visited him; sadly, he was fully clothed, just like today. I never get to check out anything. Then he says, "Tu bhi change kar le, and I nod and get my clothes, toothbrush, clips, and comb. I want to look my best because I have planned to be awake for another hour, either to play Uno or something with him if he is up for it, or else to sit on the balcony and enjoy the view, journal, and then sleep. I wear a straight night suit that's quite long, ankle-length, and slitted from both sides to my knees. It's short-sleeved, and there's a cut near the cleavage. But it's hardly visible. I open my hair, brush it before coming out, and then take my phone. Plan my tomorrow with him. I suggest places and discuss them with him. We are both sitting on the bed. It's freezing here, I tell him, so he switched off the fan and raised the AC temperature. He is a delight. Then we face each other, and I show him places on Zomato, some on Google, and a few on YouTube. I like to plan things; he is already sold and nods, "Sab chalega, Tuktuk." I respond happily with excitement, "Okay." I am still freezing, so I get my "Nivea" lotion and a pair of socks for my feet because they are dead cold. Then we talk about other random things like the book I am writing, my inspiration for it, and the details of it while simultaneously applying lotion to my palms, fingers, hand, and neck, and I noticed his expression changed as if he got distracted. Did I just seduce him or something without even trying, or am I attracted to him because he is talking freely now after the whole day we passed? Today he is in his comfort zone, talking to me. I test it because I am moisturizing enough on my neck already. So I attempt to do that movie thing while looking at him with my tilted neck, applying lotion gently and raising my eyebrows slowly, and he just smiles and nods, "Tuktuk." I behaved all cute and innocent while responding, "What?" Then he replied, "Tu rehnede." I felt like I was caught in my act. Shaaayyyy, I can't even do this right. I would really wish he would look at me. We would do this, staring into each other's eyes, and later hold hands, but In a romantic way, like joining my left hand with his right hand in a high five position and caressing it gently, it feels tingly because of the way his hands are really soft, like a baby. I remember this from years ago, when I did touch his hand for a high five. I noticed and said to him, Your hands are soft and smooth, while mine are rough. It's still dry, though. It's ticklish caressing his baby soft hand with long fingers, and his hands are big compared to mine; obviously, he is tall too. Then slowly, we grab on to each other's hands while looking into each other's eyes, holding on to this feeling.