Been awhile since then, so, Hi! How are you sweetheart?
Here I am again, another entry for another drama.
Let me start, Yesterday afternoon, I together with my friends stayed in the library, to make an assignment for our Accounting course. Then, as we tried to figure out the answers, I stoppes for awhile because my neck hurt for the straight working my ass off.
My other friend asked me if I answered some of the assignment, and I said yes, obviously I made mine. Then my other friend interfere saying "Naa na kay pulos," (you are now worthy). I was offended ofcourse, yes, I do copy her assignments on Accounting because I asked her and she'd let me too. If only I knew from the start that she isnt happy for letting me copy her assignments on Accounting, I wouldnt copy those. If only!
I know I have no right to complain because the favor is on me, but I couldnt help but to.
Since then, I remained silent, even if they're bullying me, all of them, except for my other Friend. They might sense it, because they keep on asking how am I doing. They asked if I was hurt, and I said yes. They made of me again after saying what I really felt, they said they dont really care at all.
So as we waited in the canteen of our school, I keep myself happy as if I was really am. I smiled, laugh to their jokes, even if I am upset for what they did.
Accounting course has timed in! So we went to our room, it was 7:30 in the evening.
Our Prof discussed (we answered) our assignment. So as we go along, I stopped listening to what she's discussing on the board because I cant cleary see what she's been writing the whole evening (I have a poor eye sight and my glasses are broken, plus, I am still upset for what happened hours ago) so then, my friend scolded me for not listening, she said, "Busa gaka-bagsak ka kay di ka gapaminaw," (You always get an F mark because you didnt listen.) That made me not to listen more.
Maybe they sense that something happened again because for the third time, I remained silent. As we walking out of campus, they keep on asking me what was wrong but I just smiled at them.
I was upset already from home and I thought being in school may lessen the pain of my burden but it got worse.
I was also on tht verge of trusting them (I have trust issues), to open up with them but they changed my mind, I must not trust them at all not until someday.
That made me remember that everytime I tried to trust someone, it ended up like this. Not trusting them at all. Is the wrong with me? Do I have a mole on my butt? Why dont I have someone who can trust with? Why cant I trust anyone that easy? Why do I need to put a facade, a mask, or to lie about what I really feel to please them? Why do I need to please them when all they did is to hurt me? Why is this happening to me? I am tired with all of my dramas. Im full of it.
I am hoping, really hoping that someday, I can trust someone who can understand me because I am really tired of being strong, where in fact, I am the weakest.
