A Sickening Daze

CHAPTER 1 - MELT

I woke up with one of the most violent headaches I've ever had. My brain felt like it was stuck in a vice, pounding relentlessly against my skull and sending sharp jolts of pain between my eyes. For christ's sake, will I ever learn?

I couldn't tell which day it was, or how much time I had been asleep – but the faint lightning coming through the window led me to believe that it must've been around sunset. I rolled over to my left, trying to grab ahold of the blanket to cover my naked body, and groaned at a harsh stinging sensation of soreness between my legs – unsubtle reminder of what seemed like another ruthless, hedonistic incident. I squinted to fix my blurry vision, and the sight of her made my stomach churn.

Siouxsie was laying there, hoarding the covers, and snoring softly through the curtain of jet-black hair covering her face. The sheets weren't covering much, revealing her breasts and angular hips. While I had seen her like this before – I have learned very early on that she isn't particularly prude and doesn't mind showing a bit of skin – this time, it didn't feel innocent. I couldn't yet place every single detail of the night before, but judging from the musky scent filling the air, we obviously did more than play chess.

I scanned my surroundings to try to determine where I was: an ashtray on the bedside table, countless piles of clothes and accessories scattered on the floor, beaded curtains... I had never been here before, but it looked like it could be her room. One of the bedside drawers was open, displaying various kinds of props and toys – one of them still glistening with god-knows-what...

I moved away from her so I could reach the end of the bed and get up on the sly, but my back hit another motionless body... I raised myself on my elbows and my heart skipped a beat when I looked to my right and saw a tangled mess of frizzy white hair resting on the pillow next to mine. Budgie. How the fuck did this happen? The ceiling kept moving as an image of us sucking each other's lips in the alley behind the club helped me gradually recover a few memories...

I sat cautiously, careful not to wake them up, and inspected every violaceous inch of skin covering my body. I wasn't thrilled to get back home and tell Mary who planted love bites all over my chest down to my hips. I would be reminded of it once again: shagging with bandmates is probably not the smartest decision...

I have been fortunate enough to fall in love with someone that shares my views regarding open relationships. She isn't the jealous type. Mary knows that me fooling around has nothing to do with the immense love I feel for her, and usually, she's simply curious to hear about every detail of my 'treacherous' experiments. After all, she also gets to see other people when I leave for a while...

Even if we don't really believe in implementing rules, for it to work, we had to draw the line somewhere – which translated to 'never fool around with the same partner more than once'. It seemed reasonable at first. Nevertheless, I didn't always honor this rule and it filled me with dreadful shame for quite a while. With Simon, once we ventured into the dangerous game of lust, I soon realized that despite my best intentions to keep it a one-time deal, I found myself over-indulging and ending up intertwined in bed with him – again and again – until our massive egos (and an almost endless supply of stimulants) eventually changed us for the worst and tore us apart. Since we're not talking anymore, I must admit I don't feel as guilty as I used to, but let's say it's a learning curve...

***

'They aren't supposed to be awfully strong, Severin made these. We should have a great time.'

Budgie was leaning nonchalantly on the club's bathroom countertop. I took one step closer and pressed my thumb on his bottom lip - with no resistance, he unlocked his jaw to let me place a tiny paper square under his tongue.