Embrace Degeneracy

Chapter 1

On any other day, the cold boathouse in the dead of night would have been too quiet. There would not have been enough happening, he would be tense and antsy, seeking some kind of stimulation, anything to put his energy towards. He did his best to match his mind to the blackness outside, but it was no use. Eddie could hear every creak of the trees, every movement of the lake. He could hear the silence of the darkness that surrounded him as he stared off at nothing.

Fuck he was tired.

What was he supposed to do? He couldn't leave. He couldn't call the few people in his life that he would hope didn't believe he did this. What could he do?

Eddie found himself thinking about what could possibly distract him, if only for a few minutes. He landed on the day he first met her.

Last day of school, 1984, senior year.

He had gone in with the clothes on his back, keys, and literally nothing else. Why he actually even bothered to go he didn't know. Why he did a lot of things he never really knew, his mind was chaos, and sometimes he felt like he was rolling dice in his mind to decide his actions. He DMed for other people, but let his own personal choices just sort of... happen, especially two years ago. There wasn't a lot of planning except for D&D, guitar, and band practice. Band practice made easier by the other members being younger than him, with even less obligations.

About a third of the school didn't bother to come in, so when Eddie walked into the cafeteria with eyes wide scanning the room, there were only some students scattered. Mostly the "smart" kids. Taking a deep breath, he threw his head back dramatically and walked through to his typical table, which had even less people near it due to the extra space available to everyone.

He had known he wasn't going to graduate already, he knew it two months ago, maybe even before that, but it decidedly hit differently thinking about it on the last day of school. Sure, repeating a year wasn't the end of the world. Life would go on. He would come back. Plus, he wasn't even eighteen yet, since his birthday was during the summer, so at least he wouldn't be graduating at nineteen. God that would be embarrassing.

Once Eddie made it to the table he kicked his chair back away from the head of the table and climbed on with his typical panache. The scraping of the chair echoed through the large space, drawing the eyes in the room. Standing on the chair he noticed more people had filed in, and with most of the attention on his antics, Eddie bowed deeply with his arms folded at his waist. Snapping back up, he called out to his confused audience, "I know you're all in mourning, but don't worry. We'll all get to do this again next year!"

Being mostly met back with scoffs, eye rolls, and a few groans he left out a snort and a soft smile made it's way to his lips as he sat of the chair back, feet in the seat. He may need to do this all one more time, but the next year would be better. What was that old saying? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? He'd decide this time next year if that rang true for him.

Who was he kidding?

No he wouldn't.

He'd be lucky if anything from this day really stuck with him after he slept, let alone all the way to next year.

And what was that going to look like?

Would they just give him the same schedule?

He only failed two classes.

Lost in thought and staring off into space, Eddie was brought back to the real world when he felt someone sit down at the table. Looking to his left he saw a girl had sat down a few seats from him. She wasn't facing him and seemed to be deep in thought with vacant eyes, chewing on her bottom lip. She wasn't dressed in any kind of standout way; jeans and a t-shirt, to blend in he would assume. Off hand he didn't recognize her, so she likely wasn't a senior. Her hands were in her lap, tense. Slowly she took a deep breath and turned his direction. She looked like a nice enough girl, albeit nervous, like she was working herself up to something.