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23. She Told Him Everything

💔 CONTENT WARNING 💔
Graphic discussion of past sexual assault.

In Australia, it's estimated that 22% of women over the age of 15 have experienced sexual assault. Of these, 92% didn't report it to the police. While some may not agree with Gwen's thinking or her actions, her story is unfortunately far too common—not just in Australia, but all over the world.

Please feel free to leave comments and have an open discussion, but also be mindful of other people's experiences. There's a high probability someone reading is a survivor, too.

If you have any concerns or want to check in about any potential triggers before reading, I'm only a comment or message away.

GWEN

Nerves sparked like tiny firecrackers in my stomach. Toby's brows furrowed, his eyes tracking my every move like a hawk. Not just because he was scared I'd run before telling him the truth—no, it was more than that.

His eyes flicked down to my hands. I'd knotted the hem of my t-shirt around my fingers and was twisting and twisting to distract from the thump in my chest.

"Here." Toby shoved a white box filled with macarons under my nose. "Actual num nums."

A smile broke through my nerves. Toby knew all my favorites. Nibbling on the tiny cookies was another distraction—we both knew it—but having something else to focus on would make it easier to talk. Maybe.

I threw Toby a helpless look. "Where do I start?"

"Pick something easy." He lifted a shoulder as if the conversation was no big deal. "Where'd you and Ian go?"

That was easy. "We went to Porte Rouge."

"The cocktail bar where all the entrepreneurs hang out?" The way Toby rolled his eyes when he said the word entrepreneur helped to scatter more of my nerves. "You hate that place."

That was an understatement. "I didn't want to go. You understand that, right? Not just to the stupid bar—at all. There was something so wrong about going out out with your best friend. Ian asked me a hundred times, and I kept saying no... And I know you said you were okay with it... but..."

Toby nudged my shoulder with his. "But."

"But nothing. I never should've gone." I nibbled around the edge of the macaron, hoping it would stop the wave of nausea rushing over me. It didn't. "Marnie had to help me re-do my makeup three times before I went out that night. I couldn't stop crying."

"Gwen." Toby said my name so softly, so pained. "Why'd you go?"

My eyes stung. I scrubbed my hand over the tears to make them disappear. This was no time for self-pity. "Remember when I stopped by that day to ask if you were really okay with the whole date thing? I thought for sure you'd rant and rave or go all White Knight and get rid of Ian for me, but instead..." An old prickle of hurt poked hard in my belly. Old wounds tore open. I gulped in a breath. "You just laughed and said, 'Sure, why not?' And I felt so... disposable. After all the things your mum had been saying about me... It made me feel like everything Ian told me about you was true, too. It was like I was suddenly so worthless to you that you could just pass me around to all your friends."

Toby laughed. It was soft and sad and nothing like his usual laugh. "I'm such a dumb ass. That's not even close to how I was feeling. I laughed because I didn't know how else to react, you know? I didn't want you to see how much I was hurting. I wanted you to think I was cool and easygoing."