Never Forget Me

Chapter 1

I look around in dismay as I sit in a room full of people I don't want to see. I don't even know them and that's part of the problem. One man covered in art on my left, and a pregnant 14 year old on my right.

You guessed it. I'm at counseling.

Today is 'group day' where we all share our progress for the year in counseling. One problem. I have nothing to say. I can't change who I am.

Normally what I am wouldn't be an issue but I was reported by the stupid Dahm sisters of being 'unclean in the mind and heart.' So where does the school guidance counselor send me? The damn church camp counselor.

'Alright, Ellie, how has this spiritual renewal counseling helped you over this past year?' Said Melissa Dahm, the Dahm sisters' mother and wife of William Dahm, pastor of First United Church.

'I feel no different. I... I... I can't change. I am this way for a reason.' I say, staring at my navy blue fingernails, just poking out of the edge of my tan sweater.

'What exactly is your issue?'she persists.

I look down not wanting to make eye contact with the people in the room around me whose eyes were burning into my skin, staring so intently.

'You can't fix a problem until you realize there is one Ellie, and with the help of Jesus Christ, you could turn-'

'I like girls. What's the problem?' I said cutting her off.

'Liking girls is not what God wanted from you.'

'Then why the hell did he make me this way?! I can't help what God creates me as. If I wasn't meant to be this way then I would't be this way.' I hissed

'Ellie... If you keep living this lie, you will be doomed to hell.' She stated

'Why would God put me on this Earth to go straight to Hell...?' I said starting to cry.

With that line, I stood up and I walked out of the door. As I walked out Melissa tried to get me to stay but her efforts were fruitless.

I ran outside and climbed the retaining wall and then sat by the street light up the road. With it dark, I was semi terrified. I slowly get my phone out and begin to dial my mom's number when a pair of feet appear by me. I slowly look up, to see a girl with long flowing ombré colored hair. The roots being a dark sea blue, then fading into a light sky blue throughout her hair. She extends her hand an I accept it, her pulling me up.

'Hi. That was really brave what you did in there. I wouldn't have the guts to do it.' She said.

I looked at her face, confused. I wouldn't miss a girl this beautiful in the room, so how did she witness this happening?

'Uh... Thanks.... How did you find out?' I said hesitantly.

'Oh, I sit in the room next door and I don't participate in the group day because I have a history of ruining it. Melissa won't let me go anymore because I'm a 'loose cannon.' She said giggling. 'I heard you raise your voice and Melissa start in about Jesus, so I poked my head out. I saw you. You did amazing with handling the witch. That's for sure. She can be really intimidating.'

'Thanks. It was scary to admit it all in front of everyone but it felt right. I don't think I ever caught your name... I'm Ellie. And you are?' I said, heart pounding.

'I'm Jordyn. And I know exactly how you feel because...well.... I am too.' She said.

'You're what?' I said in return.

She leaned in closer, hugging her arms around her stomach. 'I like girls too.'

My heart rises into my throat. Finally someone who understands how I feel. How have I not seen her before? She's gorgeous, her hair is... Wow... She's just 110% perfect on the outside and the inside seems just as perfect.

"Oh, you do. That's a...that's a relief." I said, looking away.

She smiled, then looked away. She grabbed my hand which was gripped to my elbow on the opposite arm.

"Hey, look at me." She said, turning my head gently with her hand." It's gonna be alright. You're not alone. You aren't the only person who goes through this. I'll be here."

I smiled. "Thanks Jordyn. I really appreciate you being open."

Jordyn leaned in, pulling me closer until we were in a tight hug. I really needed this tight embrace, because she was the first person that really accepted me for me.

"I really should be getting home. I'm late. Street lights are on." Said Jordyn, looking up at the beam of light above us from the rusted out street light.

I picked up my phone and dialed my mom's number. She picked up hastily and said anxiously,

"Are you okay? You didn't answer my texts and Melissa said you stormed out and she didn't know which way you went and-" I cut her off

"Mom I'm fine. Could you just come pick me up please?" I said quickly

"Yes. I'm on my way."

She hung up. I turned around and Jordyn was gone. I ran to the corner and saw her long ombréd hair in banana curls halfway down the block. I started to yell her name, but stopped myself. I heard my mom's car pull up and the horn honk. I ran to the car and got in, fastening my seatbelt. We sat silently driving down the street for a few minutes, then my mom said,

"Do you wanna talk about it? I uh..."

"No mom, it's fine. It'll all work out in time. I'm just gonna need some time." I said, faking a smile.

"Ok honey." She said as we pulled into the driveway. "Give me a hug. Whatever is going on, I'm here if you wanna talk about it."

She pulled me into a hug and I shed a tear onto her cream blouse which was covered by a blue jean jacket shawl. She looked back me, caressing my cheek. She then got out of the car and we went inside.

I was physically exhausted, so I went in my room and immediately looked for my pill bottle in my purse. Xanax. I know I'm not supposed to have it, but I just bought 5 off of a kid at school. With all the stupid bullshit going on at school, I need one on my worst days to relax me or I could have a panic attack that gets out of Hand.

Before I found the bottle, I pulled out my nail clipper, which had the metal nail file sharpened to a thin, sharp point. I grip it tightly in my hand, staring the blade I sharpened myself, and fell to my knees, crying. Slamming my fist to the nightstand, I look up, wiping my tears, looking at the blade seriously. I slowly bring the blade to my wrist. 'It'll sting for just a little while...' I thought. I push the file to my wrist, and before I could stop myself, a line of blood bubbles to the surface of my skin, poking from under the newly cut skin. I stare at it intently, and for some odd reason, I felt better.

A loud knock on my door. "Ellie? Honey are you okay?"

It's my mother. Oh no.

I swiftly grab my bag and throw the clippers inside. I reach for the Kleenex pack in my purse to wipe up the blood line so my mom wouldn't see it, and pull out a note, folded into a little heart. I open it slowly, and it reads:

"I think you're really cute, Ellie. I hope we can meet up again sometime. Call me :) (431)-873-4440
-Jordyn "

"Yeah... I'm okay now. Thanks for asking. I'll just be going to bed now." I said, falling into bed, Kleenex wrapped around my cut.

I prop the note up by my alarm clock and then turned my light out.

Jordyn was my only hope. Maybe she could change this.She could be the answer to telling my mom, my entire family. She could help me cope. She could be the one to flip my life around to the way it was meant to be.