Summer and May

Chapter Thirty-Three: May

It had been a day since seeing Summer, and each moment felt like a stab in the gut. I kept to my word, that I would spend the next few days thinking seriously about my future. I did everything I could think of; pro/con lists, long walks, conversations with my dad, writing in my journal. Nothing was crystal clear, just a gut feeling that I couldn't shake.

I was glad that Summer let me pick up a shift for her, it made me feel better about keeping this secret from her... but not really. She had texted me to say thanks, but that's all I've heard from her, and it's been eating me up.  Alec stopped by work to let me know that he was having a 4th of July party, but I politely declined. I wanted Summer to enjoy her night without me possibly upsetting her, and I also wanted Brooks to have a chance to spend time with other girls that weren't me.

Things could be so much easier if I was more like Summer; full of self-assurance, unapologetic, unashamedly straight-up. Had I been even one of those things, we wouldn't be here. I would have confessed to Summer months ago that I was unsure about Brown. I would have never let Jeremy slip through my fingertips, bringing us to where we are now. I could have gone this entire summer without hurting anyone, including myself.

But none of that was real. I wasn't like Summer, I was just May. I was scared of letting people down, overly apologetic, hardly ever honest with myself. I was like this as a kid; I was the quiet girl in class, always made the honor roll, and always kept quiet when I felt hurt. My mom, before she passed, urged me to find something I loved and to do it without shame. And I did. But I somehow managed to mess up everything else in the process, and now I felt more confused than ever.

That feeling lessened slightly when Jeremy's name popped up on my phone. The vibration from my ringtone brought me out of a chaotic day-dream, when I should have been bussing tables. I sneak towards the locker room, pressing Accept.

"Hello?"

"May," Jeremy said, my name flowing off his tongue like honey. His voice was breathy, almost scratchy. "How--how are you?"

I shift my weight, concealing a grin that no one else can see. "I'm holding up. You?"

He huffed. "Well, uh... Do you remember when you worked on my grandpa's car, and you said his engine needed fixed?"

"Absolutely. All the parts finally came in yesterday, actually." I just didn't want to make things weird after our last conversation, is how I wanted to finish my sentence.

"That's great! Well, I was... um, I was wondering if, maybe you could..."

"Jeremy? What do you need?" Now I understand why Summer gets so impatient with me sometimes.

He sighed, and I waved to Danny as I saw him run my food out to my tables. "Listen, Sully is... not doing too well. He's barely eating, sleeping all the time... I would really love to see him get to drive that truck one more time before..."

My heart sank for him. "Jeremy, I'm so sorry. I'll do everything I can. Bring it by the shop tonight, I'll be out of here in an hour."

"Thank you, May. I owe you."

I would be absolutely lying if I said hearing Jeremy's voice didn't bring a sense of calm over me. Prioritizing my friendship with Summer should be the focus of my mind right now--which it was--but Summer also needed space, and Jeremy needed help. This would strictly be a friend helping another friend out, and I would go back to brainstorming about Brown.

I rushed through the last part of my shift, thankful that even though I was covering for Summer, I made almost three-hundred bucks. I stuffed the bills into an envelope, wondering if Summer might like to split the money. I owed her, anyways.