The Lovely Loveless

Chapter 2: Samantha

It is a well-known fact that there is a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. One could imagine that saying comes from the beauty of rainbows. Today, there was a rainbow that expanded across what seemed like towns. It was nearly 65 degrees, and for a relatively chilly Illinois fall, this was as warm as it was going to get for the next several months. I would cherish each hour it stayed like this. The pot of gold at the end of my rainbow was a giant first paycheck at a prestigious marketing firm. Unfortunately, I come from humble beginnings.

I was walking home that afternoon after my shift at the retail store. I tried to save on gas by walking to and from wherever I was working during the summer and particularly pretty fall days. The leaves were well on their way to extinction from the branches and the sky shined with an intense blue.

The scene was so satisfying it almost made me forget my problems. However, later tonight, I couldn't stay content. I'd have to take initiative by applying for every single marketing job in the entire United States, and potentially Canada.

Granted, hopefully then I'd be able to achieve what I had looked forward to since the beginning. Working 40 hours a week to live for the next 40 or so years, if I was lucky.

I was turning 23 in February so I knew that there wasn't much time left for waiting around. Why wait when so many other candidates applied right after school? But I had decided to take a gap year of sorts. Retail wasn't fun enough to be considered a genuine gap year. Most gap years were spent at internships in the Mediterranean. None the less, my year so far felt more "gappy" than usual. It was strange not going back into a school after 12 years of back-to-school season.

There were so many milestones now as I was growing older.

I returned home to an empty house. Rebecca would be at work until 10pm that night. This also meant that tonight I couldn't use her as a reason to work. Telling her I would be applying to jobs in my room and I couldn't hang out this evening. Then, I had to do the task I had set out to do. She'd hold me accountable. She'd make me come out of my room and make me work on my task in her eyeline.

Instead of feeling like I couldn't do work. I did the only thing that usually made me work. I took a trip to the library.

The library, one of the only places I felt at peace besides being at home with my parents. Not even my apartment with my roommate felt as homey as the city library. Although, I'd never tried sleeping there, I bet it would be the best night's sleep I've had in quite an anxious while. For all my life, this has been my library, and it has seen me at all stages of education.

It was seven minutes by car. The library had the unique characteristic of having a gargoyle out front. Sitting on its haunches, greeting people at the entrance. Purple spray paint over the concrete base and its wings painted a different reddish shade. There were several dragon statues by a painted "pool" in the miniature play-yard right across from the elementary school. One yellow, one magenta, and one blue. By this time, the students were long gone.

Minding the gargoyle, I entered. Through the double doors sat the circulation desk. The instant smell of paper and chatter of noise overwhelmed my nose and ears. I could barely hear the librarian asking if I needed anything.

"No, thanks," I replied quickly.

I removed my eyes from the librarians who sat together at the desk. A group of women in their early 30s. Most from what I could see women at least, one man worked here before, I swear. I then proceeded to make my way to the very back of the library next to the reference materials. Business women typically had a different group of colleagues, and as much as it pains me to say, I would not be living the life of the typical romcom actress with lots of supportive, young women professional coworkers. Or maybe I would... there's lots of jobs out there. The internet tells no lies. However, I've heard rumors of fake job posts too.