Empty Room - SatoSugu

empty room

I heard once that a room is supposed to reflect its owner's personality.

It's supposed to be very intimate.

That's what I heard.
I don't remember where...

I remember my room in that old house.

It was big.
(bigger than a kid would ever need)

The walls were thin, pale and plain.
(so boring, I wish I could've punched them)

There were many windows and no doors.
(people would come and go without my permission)

I remember I had three toys.
A dog. A horse. A sheep.
Carved in wood.
(I didn't choose them)

My bed was comfortable.
(an island, in the middle of nowhere, alone)

As I grew, I started enjoying movies and asked if I could have a tv in my room.
There was plenty of space and I knew money wasn't a problem.

"It'll distract you. And there's one in the living room already."

When I was moving to Jujutsu High, one medium bag was necessary to fit all my belongings.
(my clothes)

My three toys were taken away from me when I became too old for them.
(I was eight)

It took me ten minutes to organize my clothing items in the dorm wardrobe.

That was my new room:
Small.
A single bed in the corner.
A half empty wardrobe.
A desk.
A window.
At least I had a door now.

I remember when I first saw your room, Suguru.

You were hanging a poster beside two others. There were two closed cardboard boxes on the floor and an opened one on the desk. A big suitcase on your bed. Clothes overflowing from it.

"Would you like some help, bangs?"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the glorious Gojo Satoru offering help to common people."

"Now you know who I am."

"I did a quick search. You can put my clothes in the wardrobe."

They didn't all fit in there. You had to keep some inside the suitcase on top of the furniture.

The desk was filled with family portraits and comics. You almost didn't have space to put a notebook.

There was a cactus on your window beside the ashtray.

You couldn't unpack all the boxes. They stayed under your bed until you installed shelves for your action figures.

Your bed sheets were all black and you had two pillows and three cushions.
You said you couldn't sleep with less than that.

Our rooms were the same size, yet yours was too small.

It took me a while to realize that where my clothes and my bed were was not my room, it was just a space.

My real room was inside your arms when we were cuddling. There I could hear your heartbeat and feel your breath on my hair.

My real room was inside your mouth as we kissed. You tasted like cigarettes and sake. Even though I hated that bitterness, I couldn't resist or deny anything from you.
The tenderness of your lips was vicious.

My real room was inside your jealous eyes when I was flirting with random girls only to tease you. Inside of your blurry eyes while you were coming for the umpteenth time.
It was glorious to see you almost become blind due the pleasure.

And then you were gone.

You were gone and had BURNED A FUCKING VILLAGE!

You were gone AND LEFT ME THE BUTTON OF YOUR FUCKING UNIFORM!

I ran to your room.
Everything was there.

The clothes with your scent which I could recognize from light years away.

The print of your body on the mattress. Your sheets disorganized as always.

The ashes on the ashtray beside the cactus.
There were two cigarettes there. Shoko smoked with you the night before.

Your family portraits were all in the same place.
YOUR PARENTS LIVED IN THAT VILLAGE!

The comics we read tons of times.

Your hair ties spreaded everywhere.

The posters of your favorite bands and movies were still on the walls. The glue didn't fail all this time.

The action figures were on the dusty shelves in the same order you put them in and I memorized it by heart.

I was there.

You left everything.
even me

How could you LEAVE EVERYTHING!?

HOW COULD YOU LEAVE AND YET TAKE EVERYTHING I HAD?!