Overthinking

overthinking is not good...

I can't control my thoughts or even hold them thight anymore. I am thinking about everything. Really EVERYTHING and i end up thinking too much over little things over and over again. I can't do this anymore. I am no longer the happy friend, that talks too much and is always crazy. Now i am very quiet and i can't fully listen to you anymore, because of the thoughts. I am confused and at the same time confident and happy. I am trapped in my own damn thoughts and i can't escape, because they are too loud. Every Single seccond they are getting louder and louder. I don't know if i should laugh or cry right now. I feel like nobody likes me or even care about me. I don't feel love anymore or is it just my overthinking? I don't know but the voice in my head is telling me that nobody ever liked me. Nobody would ever chose me. I was never the First one. I was a maybe, a probebly or even a definetly but never the one. Never the chosen one... I wonder what it's like. To BE the CHOSEN one...
I am thinking about my past and regretting every desision i made. I am thinking about my present. Should i just give up? Should i let go? Should i end my life here and now? I am thinking about my future. Am i still overthinking too much? Am i still going to be in the future? If yeah... what is it like to life in the future? Am i escaping These thoughts? Am i free now? Am i going to have a happy life like i wanted? Am i being loved like i wanted? Am i getting a hug every Single day from the people that are standing near by like i needed to? Well.... nobody knows. Nobody...
Should i just grab a knife and k*ll myself alredy? Nobody loves me anyways. I don't know if it's just overthinking or even depression because i don't eat when there are people around. I don't want to eat. I don't feel the feelinging of hunger. I don't want to go out of the bed. I don't have the stregth for anything anymore.

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Hope u guys like this oneshot and i hope u enjoyed it and i hope u guys are not ill. When u have a really hard time right now or u had and can't let it go you should know that i am here for u. Just write a comment and i would react. Love u♡♡♡