Keeping Secrets (Book I)✔️

Chapter Ten

Eric:

I missed her. I really fucking missed her. I so badly wanted to just give her a call or a text but as soon as I picked up my phone, I would remember the last time we had spoken and all if the stupid things I had said to her. I wanted to talk to her and just make sure she was okay but I knew if she wasn't it would be my fault.I needed time to think about our situation and I was trying to make up my mind. I guess my mouth decided for me before my brain could.

The more I thought about it, the more I became just so frustrated at myself for what I had done. And the more I thought about that, the more I wished I had picked the other option. I had just gotten so annoyed so quickly and I spoke too soon.I didn't want to be pushed into a relationship with her when I didn't need one. I told myself so many times before that it would just be better without one and that they were a waste of time. I knew now, looking back on what she was saying that maybe that wasn't what she meant when she said she was tired of hiding things. I knew she didn't like keeping secrets. I understood because sometimes I felt like that too but keeping us simply between us meant that I didn't have to face my feelings.

I didn't mean what I said to her, I didn't mean any of it. I told her how she was just like everyone else which was the exact opposite of what I felt. She was so different. She looked so hurt by my words, when she walked off all I wanted to do was call her back and tell her I was sorry but I just stood there, trying to figure out why I done what I done.

Every day I seemed to see her more often than I usually would before our argument. And when I passed her in the halls she wouldn't even glance at me, I examined her face every time I passed her. She had tired eyes and her hair was messier than usual. When she talked to her friends she would smile but it wouldn't reach her eyes.

It had been three weeks now since we had spoken. I was still beating myself up and feeling pitiful and my friends noticed. The more time I spent not talking to Flo, the more I thought about her. It got to the point where I thought of little else. Something was stopping me from just apologizing to her, I never apologize to anyone but this time was different. I knew I had to, I wanted to.

"Hey you okay man?" I heard Evan call from beside me. We were getting at practice but my mind was somewhere else completely.

"Yeah." I nodded but I knew I didn't sound very convincing.

"You sure? You seem a bit tied up lately. You don't look like you're enjoying yourself at all. C'mon, this is football, you're favorite thing to do remember?" he patted my on the shoulder and tried to give an encouraging speech but I just was not in the mood.

"I just need to sort some things out. Will you tell coach I had to leave early?" I asked him.

"Sure, but you know he'll have a fit."

"Just tell him my dog died."

"But you don't have a dog?" He laughed.

"Just tell him." I said before I ran back into the locker rooms and grabbed my duffel bag and the rest of my things. I needed to go on a run; it always helped to clear my head.

When I got home my mom greeted me from the kitchen. She was probably drinking coffee and surrounded by a tonne of paperwork on the kitchen table like she usually was: Always working hard. I said hey and climbed up the stairs, heading for my bedroom to get into my running gear.

It was starting to get dark by now, I didn't know how long I had been running but I began making my back to my house. I turned the corner onto Florence's street and continued to jog until I seen a car pull up at her driveway down the street. I slowed down slightly when I heard her laughter and the car door opened.She went around to the driver's side of the car and leaned her elbows on the opened window. Who was in the car? Who was she talking to? I thought. I was getting closer now.

"Thanks so much for the ride Jake- No I'll be fine on my own, my dad should be home in a couple of hours anyway- see you." She smiled and then walked back up onto the pavement as the car drove off. Who was this Jake guy? She walked up her driveway and my body came to a halt in front of her house. I didn't know what I was doing, my mind was telling me to keep going but my legs thought otherwise. She's going to think you're some kind of stalker dumb ass, don't just stand there.

But it was too late to run off now because she was already turned around, looking at me with that drained expression on her face. She ruffled her messy hair with her hands, looking uncomfortable. We didn't say a word, just looked at each other in silence for a moment or two.

"What do you want Eric?" I could hear the discomfort in her voice as her droopy eyes showed only a sadness. I tried to think of an answer to her question but I couldn't. I opened and lcosed my mouth a few times but no words were coming out.  What was I doing here?