Jaana : The Girl He Loved Too Much

Chapter 51

"Shahzain Bhai" she entered the room and sat beside him on the concrete floor. The room was dimly lit, and little sunlight was struggling to illuminate the dark room from the little window on the right end corner of the wall opposite to where they were sitting on the floor taking the support of the wooden bed. The room, rather cell, was all concrete. The grey walls, which were now covered with one word,'Jaana' with black chalk. All four walls of the cell were either adored by this word or the drawing of the face that lives in his heartbeat.

"Shahzain Bhai, see what I have brought for you," she said with a smile, opening the tiffin box excitedly.

"See," she said, bringing the box closer to him. "Shahzain Bhai dekhiye na", (Shahzain Bhai, please see) she said holding put a spoonful halwa.

"See, it smells so good. At least try one spoon." she urged him but failed to gain his attention, which was concentrated on the silver anklet he was holding in his hand. She touched his chin and tried to make him look at her. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and where she was trying to hide them by smiling, contradictory to that her wide smile was making them more visible.

"Try once, I made it for you. You will love it," she said, holding the spoon near his mouth

He looked at her, and his eyes were blank, like he didn't recognize her. Which he didn't. He couldn't remember anything about his life. His name, his work, his family, his friends, nothing. All he could remember was a face that he kept on drawing on the walls of his new abode. And one name that he keeps on chanting, "Jaana."

He shifted his gaze back to the anklet and whispered "Jaana".

"Have a bite, at least, for her," she pleaded again, and her pleas fell on deaf ears. "For Sitara," she mentioned her name, and his eyes failed at holding back the ache of his heart. A single tear escaped his eye.

"Bhabhi," a voice broke the silence of the room, and Nargis wiped her tears, looking towards Ruksaar waiting at the door.

She moved inside the cell and sat with them. She held her hand and wiped her tears. "Bhabhi, let it go, please," she said with a choking voice, and Nargis shook her head furiously. "No," she got up and walked out of the room.

"Bhabhi," Ruksaar followed her outside and called for her again in the corridor. "Don't. Don't even think of mentioning it again, Ruksaar." Nargis responded, annoyed fisting her hand.

"Bhabhi, look at him. He can't take it anymore." Ruksaar tried to plead to make Nargis understand that there is no hope. That Shahzain has gone. Too far. Far enough that it's impossible to bring him back. That the hope she is holding on to was vague and is only going to get more painful.

"I can't let you do what you are asking me to do. He is my family." She retorted. "And he is not mine? You think this is easy for me Bhabhi. He is the reason that I get to stand here today in this white coat. He is my brother. All my childhood I had ran around him doing Bhaijaan, Bhaijaan. Demanding him new toys, new games and he kept fulfilling all my desires. Even that day at the fair. It was my fault. It was my incessant demand that he is here today. Only if I wouldn't have asked to ride the giant wheel that day, Appi would have never let go of his hand" she said looking at him with longing in her eyes

"Don't blame yourself Ruku. Whatever was written happened." Nargis held her shoulder to calm her. "That's all I am saying to you Bhabhi, whatever was written happened. Now let him go. Don't try to write a new fate. We will not reach anywhere." She tried to explain her point to which Nargis denied point-blank.

"Why don't you understand? Have you not seen the reports? Did you not consult Dr. Malik? We have tried everything Bhabhi. You are just holding onto a false hope." She ranted frustrated.

"Why don't you understand Ruku?" Nargis held her by her shoulders tightly. "I promised Sitara. I promised her I will not let him die," she said with wide eyes with determination.

"He is already dead Bhabhijaan" Ruku responded desperately. "Look at him" she dragged her inside the cell.

"Bhaijaan" she called him and didn't react. "Bhaijaan listen I am talking to you", she reached closer to him and raised her voice

"Jawab kyu nahi dete aap Shahzain Khan. Boliye kuch. Bataiye ki zinda hain aap." (Why dont you reply Shahzain Khan? Say something. Tell that you are alive) She shook him hard and yet he didn't respond

"Ruku! What are you doing? You are hurting him." Nargis dragged her away from shaking him. "No bhabhi, I am not hurting him. I want to hurt him. If that can get me a reaction out of him. Anything bhabhi. Trust me. I wanted him to be up and about just like you do. But I am seeing the reality and you are living in a delusion. Like him."

"Ruksaar!" Her words agitated Nargis making her yell. "Enough. Enough." She said in sheer anger holding up her palm warning her to be quite before she looses her patience more. "He is not dead" she said lowering her hand.

"Yes Bhabhi Enough. Tell me how he is alive. Look at him. Look at this." She said holding up his hands with cannula on each of them. "Do you have them? Tell me, do you need to be fed by a syringe every day and night because you cannot eat by yourself." She said leaving his hand. "Look, is he getting hurt?" She took out a hair pin from her bun and poked it in his neck. Nargis flinched but he didn't. She got up and poked the same pin in Nargis' palm making her hiss in pain. "You felt that? Huh, you felt that, he didn't. He didn't Bhabhi. You are keeping him alive from last ten years. He do not eat, he do not drink, he do not sleep. He is still breathing because you are not letting him die. We are keeping him alive with injections but now Bhabhi even his body is begging us to let him go. There are no veins left where we haven't injected him one thing or the other. Let him sleep bhabhi, let him sleep now" she begged Nargis trying to make her realize that the hope she is holding on to is lost long back.

"He reacts at her name. He says her name" Nargis pointed out the teeny tiny hope she is holding on to for him.

"Yes he does." Ruku wiped her continously flowing tears and turned towards him.

"That name is the only reason he is here. In this condition. You brought him to Dr. Malik Bhabhi yourself. Tell me why? Why bhabhi?" She asked her shaking her. "Because he was- he was getting a little violent" Nargis said in a low voice. "A little violent?" She scoffed. "Bhabhi he burned a man alive. And you are calling it a little violent. He was not violent bhabhi, he lost his sanity. He was insolent and atrocious. He became the monster who was destroying the world around him. He lost himself. And all this because he couldn't forget her. He couldn't let her go. And today your not letting him go."

"You have looked at the facility bhabhi. You saw the comforts we give to our patients. The gardens, the fresh breeze, the good food, but what we are giving him. A dark cell. You remember why we moved him here. Because he killed three attendants who tried to take away that anklet only to make him sleep. To take a break from counting the bells and chanting the same word with every count. Remember the ways he used to get violent, when someone tried to talk to him. We locked him up here, with a chain around his ankles tied to the bed so that he don't pounce on the staff who came to give food which he never ate. All he did was writing Jaana with his fingernails. We had given him this chalk so that he stops using his blood to write on the concrete. You are right that he takes her name because when he was going through all this even then the only thing he said was 'Jaana'. Maybe it's time to unite them", she tried to convince Nargis.

"But I promised Sitara that I will keep him alive" "Bhabhi accept it. It's not about Appi anymore. It's about you. You are selfish bhabhi. You are keeping him alive because you are scared to let go of Appi. Because then it will mean you have forgiven everything. And you are not ready for it. Its for your self redemption and not his" She said in annoyance and Nargis slapped her hard. "I said enough Ruksaar. How could you?" Ruksaar gave her a sarcastic smile and said looking at Shahzain "Guess he didn't enjoy the show because even this much noise failed to get his attention." She said and stepped passed Nargis.

"By the way Bhabhi, jisse kiye hue waade ke liye aapne inhe zinda rakha hai, us Sitara ki jaan Shahzain Khan ne khud li hai." (That Sitara, to whom you made the promise that you are holding so dear to you, that you kept him alive, that Sitara was killed by Shahzain Khan himself)
She banged the door shut behind her leaving the cell