West Kensington School (Teacher X Student)

A/N: I'm really sorry, Sincerely, Violet

Dear readers that I love very much,

I want to start by saying that opening up like this isn't easy for me, especially to an audience who's only here to enjoy my book. But lately, I've been struggling. Big time. And it feels like I'm carrying this heavy weight all by myself because, honestly, I am. I don't have the support system I need from family or friends, and that's been really tough.

Writing this book, as much as I adore the craft, has become a double-edged sword. While I pour my heart and soul into the pages, it's also become a source of immense pain. I spend countless hours bedridden, trapped in my own thoughts, obsessing over every detail of the story and feeling overwhelmed by the weight of it all.

I think the fact that I received no support from anyone, made me use writing as a way to cope. Now this coping method has backfired onto me.

I hope you can understand how difficult it is for me to share this, especially with individuals who may only know me through my writing. While I love writing, it has unfortunately destroyed my state of mind. I didn't realize the toll it was taking on me until it was too late.

Something happened back in January that triggered all of this, and despite my efforts, I haven't been able to heal. Writing about similar situations in the book has only made it worse. I've been pushing myself to write, afraid of disappointing others.

My mind constantly thinks of the book, analyzing every detail and trying to make sense of it all. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what's wrong, but I feel like I'm trapped in my own head with no escape.

It's clear to me now that I need to take a step back and focus on healing. I want to be transparent with you all, but I'm struggling to understand it myself. Maybe it's maladaptive daydreaming, or dissociation, or something else entirely. All I know is that it's overwhelming, and writing seems to be worsening it, especially since the themes I'm exploring in the book hit too close to home.

I wish I could tell you more, give you some insight into what's going on with me, but the truth is, I'm just as lost as you are. I'm trying my best to navigate through this, but some days, it feels like I'm barely keeping my head above water.

I'm not sure why things have gotten so bad. I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. All I know is that I'm struggling. I can't eat without feeling nauseous, and sleep is the only peace I get from the constant noise in my head. It's affecting everything—my schoolwork, my health, my sanity.

I've never done this poorly in school before, and it's all because of this book. Instead of focusing on my studies, my mind is consumed by writing. And I'm sorry to say again, but I need to stop. I need to take a break and focus on healing my mind and my trauma.

I know this might disappoint some of you, and for that, I'm truly sorry. But I can't keep pushing myself like this. From now on, everything will be on hold.

I'll soon be deleting all the chapters of my book. This note is the only thing that will be available for now. I know this might disappoint some of you, and for that, I'm truly sorry. I never intended to let anyone down.

I've developed an unhealthy obsession, and it's become a destructive cycle. I need to break free from this and focus on healing before I can even think about writing again.

Amidst all the struggles and challenges I've shared, there's something I want to make crystal clear—I don't hate my book, not in the slightest. In fact, I love it with all my heart. It started as a simple daydream, a world I created in my mind before bedtime, and bringing it to life through writing has been an incredible journey.

One of the driving forces behind my writing is the desire to bring diversity to the forefront. I wanted to create a space where characters from all backgrounds could shine, where BIPOC and members of the LGBTQ+ community could see themselves represented authentically. It's disheartening to see minorities constantly sidelined or reduced to stereotypes in literature, and I refused to add on to that narrative.

I reached a point where I couldn't stand reading books where characters with features like mine were simply tokens, slapped onto white characters. It's frustrating to see my features appreciated only when they're on white people. Brown skin and thick, curly hair are constantly portrayed as desirable, but only when they're on white individuals.

When I see this in books, it feels like the author didn't truly want to include BIPOC in their story. Instead, they selectively cherry-picked our features while leaving our voices and experiences behind. It's as if our physical features were the only aspects deemed worthy of inclusion and that really fucking sucks to read as someone with those features.

I recall reading a book that frequently referenced people of various Asian backgrounds, yet not a single actual Asian character was present. It felt like their culture was the only thing deemed worthy of inclusion.

Representation matters. It's about more than just seeing ourselves on the pages of a book—it's about feeling seen, heard, and valued. I wanted to challenge the status quo, to break away from the tired tropes and stereotypes that have plagued minorities for far too long.

Norah, in particular, holds a special place in my heart. I wanted to create a black girl who defied stereotypes, who wasn't relegated to the role of comedic relief or token loud friend(a fucking disgusting stereotype by the way). Each character in my book was crafted with care, intended to showcase the richness and complexity of BIPOC experiences.

I think the only character that doesn't fit this pattern is Rocky, given that he's based on my real-life best friend... lololol

and of course, Amira. Amira holds a special place in my heart. I was determined to create a main character who defied stereotypes—a girl who didn't fit the mold of the typical damsel in distress waiting for a hero to save her. Amira is anything but the typical innocent and clueless female lead; she actually has sexual needs. Amira is shy and timid, yet she possesses a quiet strength that allows her to save herself. I wanted her to be smart, capable, and her own hero—the kind of girl who stands up for herself and faces challenges head-on. She represents resilience, independence, and the power of self-determination.

Ultimately, my goal has always been to create a book that celebrates the beauty and diversity of the world we live in—a book that reminds us all that we are so much more than the stereotypes that seek to define us.

So, yes, I may be taking a break from writing for now, but my love for my book and its message remains fixed. I hope you can understand, and I hope you'll still be here when I'm ready to come back. My goal is to return in July, after school is finished, with a healed mind and a renewed passion for writing.

Please know that I'm not asking for sympathy or solutions. I simply wanted to open up and let you all know what's been going on behind the scenes. Your < support means the world to me, even if I can't fully understand what I'm going through.

If you want to contact me or talk to me at all, hmu on tiktok @violetvovart :) dont be shy at all i promise im a nice person lol

Thank you,

-Violet

I love you all... <3