Seasons

As the autumn leaves met the ground, dead leaves being crushed under my feet, I couldn't bring myself to care.

Dull, dead trees lined the streets, with the occasional streetlamp, it was all such a boring scene. I couldn't help but appreciate it, it's like the seasons represented me. I know it sounds corny, but I honestly find it to be that way.

I always found myself closing my eyes and seeing her, I see her in my dreams, both day and night, it does nothing but deepen my dive, I can never try to move on.

It's like she still lives in my mind, in my own soul.

I looked up and saw the concrete steps that led to the large, wooden doors.

...

I stood in the back of the church, wearing a black suit and tie.

Towards the front of the large, open room laid the closed casket. Every time my eyes met the coffin, I couldn't help but feel my eyes water, someone I held so close to me, so dearly to me, lay within.

I held my hands in front of me as I walked up the aisle, towards her casket.

I always talked about walking up the aisle with her, I never thought I'd have to walk alone.

As I reached the front, I put a hand on the casket, the wood smooth to the touch, like a cue ball. I opened my mouth to speak but found myself choking on words, I felt my hand twitch and my eyes water.

I felt the stares of the other people attending the funeral, I wanted to be embarrassed and feel anything besides the grief I felt, but I just couldn't.

"Konna..."

I said, my voice shaky as my voice cracked, a tear running down my cheek.

"I could've saved you that day."

I said, wiping the tears that flowed down my face without restraint now, the tears falling from my eyes to the soft, red carpet on the floor.

I fell to my knees and people rushed up to help me up, and as I was dragged to my feet, I couldn't help but remember that day. The day she died.

...

"Akio, let's go!"

Konna laughed, her smile as bright as the sun, I could practically feel the light radiating off of her.

"Okay."

I plainly replied, a small smile on my face as we walked down the sidewalk, I wanted to grab her hand, but I was too nervous.

We were walking back to her house after we ate out at a restaurant, the food was good, though Konna seemed to not like hers and preferred to eat mine.

She insisted on calling it a date, and how could I argue with that?

The lush green leaves of summer blew with the wind around us, the green grass and trees lining the street. With the blue sky above us, the scene was so beautiful.

Just like the girl beside me.

I looked at her and felt my smile widen, I was always not myself around her, in a good way. I felt happier and more excited around her, contrasting my usual stoic behavior.

As we were approaching a crossing, the light was green and cars were passing by, we were about to stop towards the yellow truncated domes, where the sidewalk typically ended, when she suddenly tripped towards the street.

My eyes widened as I noticed her begin to fall forward, I reached out to grab her hand but hesitated.

I tried again but it was too late, the next thing I knew I heard a car horn followed by the splatter of blood, everywhere, all over the street, all over the sidewalk, and all over me.

"..."

I stood there, in disbelief as the world around me stopped. The screams of the people waiting for the light to turn red, the sound of the panicked driver suddenly braking and pulling over all a blur.

I simply stared at the lifeless corpse in front of me with wide eyes and an agape mouth, you could describe it as horror, shock, or distress, but in all honesty, I don't even know what I felt at the moment.

I killed her, my hesitation killed her. I felt as if it was all my fault in the moment. 

The driver of the car that caved her head in ran up to me and was talking to me, but I didn't even understand what he was saying. It was just gibberish to me.

The once-colorful world around me felt duller, more boring, and less vibrant.

I could only mutter one word.

"Konna..?"

...

"I'm sorry..."

I said, now back in reality, with people surrounding me trying to bring me to my feet. I finally stood upright and heard the people around me who also knew Konna when she was alive asking if I was okay, or if I was alright, or fine, but honestly, I tuned them out.

I wiped a tear and sniffled, still staring at the closed wooden casket that lay in front of me. I put a hand on the smooth wooden surface, rubbing my thumb against it.

I felt a small smile form on my face, and I tried to imagine Konna's face, not wanting to think about her caved-in skull.

I thought of her smile, the way she laughed, and the way she carried herself.

But I remembered her bloodied dark brown hair, the splattered blood, the trail of red that followed the car that ran her over's tires. 

I sighed deeply, holding back tears as my eyes watered, not wanting to cause another scene.

"I love you."